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Yet again!

Why are people so stupid? Rather so cunning? Or cunningly stupid like me? What was I saying to myself the other day and all the days that passed? That I wouldn’t die I wouldn’t die. A hundred times I wouldn’t die! Yet again, I attempted. This one was serious. Not that others weren’t. But this one was certain. I would die. With all my senses, I was prepared to embrace the seducing death. (Should I rather call it charming death? Lol.) A handful of paracetamol tablets kills you. So was my knowledge atleast. Now that I am alive, I know it does shit to you! The tablets were my last resort. Took out the compass and all those sharp edged tools my unsuccessful engineering life had gifted me in the past. As blunt as my life, nothing was sharp enough to cut through me. Except for frail and fading cuts, they were good for nothing. But then, death was so tempting. After life was inviting. As though somebody from the other world talked me into a migration of worlds!! LOL!!

Why do I laugh so much? Rather, do I laugh at all? When did I start falling into the group of those who never moved a muscle as they typed ‘rotflmao’ or ‘argh’!! I always felt the laugh, the anger, the sorrow. Online or offline, emotions or people never changed for me. But now, what have I become? An insensitive unresponsive depressed psycho. Nobody calls me a maniac. The one who would run around and spoil things for everyone. I am always and forever seen as the silent killer, who suck life out of everyone and everything with silence. My ominous silence. Echoing sorrow and grief in every soul that crossed.

Am I not man enough? She tells me I aint. She tells me I am crippled from inside. Ruined and mutilated. Too much a coward that I cant even look at my own wounds and tend to them. I couldn’t bring myself to embrace her. All that she’d wanted could be a touch. A word of assurance. But I was numb. Numbness that she fails to notice. Cowardice is what she names it. But, couldn’t it have been just my helplessness… Ah! Whom am I justifying to? Myself? Sigh.Perhaps, she’s right. As ever. As right as her prudence can take her to be. My prudent princess,you may move souls. At times, you could crush them too. For so much is your power. So much is your worth. So much is your charm!

Published inLost in perfection

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