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The talk

“Nandan, have you ever thought of the possibilities of killing yourself?” Her question was more than just troubling. I instantly knew where this conversation would lead to. Wanting to wind it up, I gulped the remaining drink in my glass and mumbled an inaudible cry. I wanted to leave. She just wouldn’t budge from her stand. Her thirst seemed to grow beyond getting an answer. As if, only my blood could quench. For the first time, I saw through the bitch in her. The blood thirsty vampire. Not a second long, and I was filled with guilt. Wasn’t she my princess? The love of my life. She still is. There cant be another woman I love more than her. But then, look at us now. Not loving would have been fine. But the hatred that’s filling our gap is incinerating.

She woke me up from my thoughts with her vicious laugh. I wanted to cry. For help. For mercy. Here she is, laughing at my helplessness and all I want is just an escape. This running away is tiring me. I’m shunning her stares away. Shamelessly, they are returned more intense and deep. When would this accusation stop! She broke my thoughts again. She held my hand over the table. “Have you hated me so much? Answer me please. What’s come over us? We used to be so much happier.” I wanted to yell at her. “Yeah, we were so much at peace and harmony. And now we are not. So what? Why the heck are you always pointing at me?”. I wanted to ask. But I kept quite. Arguments dont hold a chance. Not with her. I silently pulled my hands away and rose to leave. “I’m starting to office. Half an hour late already. May be we can catch up in the evening.” Surprisingly, she just nodded, and said, “May be we can. Evening sounds perfect to me too.” I wanted to stay for a while more and see her yell at me as usual, as I ended every conversations. Today seemed different. She was blankly staring at the phone’s screen. I couldn’t take my eyes off her and bring myself to leave her. I was worried if my eyes were welling up. But I saw hers first. After years, she cried in front of me. All those things that she said blared in my head. After everything, she’s crying! I should have been feeling nothing. But I was shook by her tears, the impact of which dawned upon me, unforgivably late. She looked up at me, with her proven skill of holding back her tears. “Didnt leave yet? I’ll be there at Ann’s at five.”. I was pulled back to my senses.
“Yeah, I was just waiting for you to say something. Bye then.”, I managed. She assured, “Its okay. Bye.”. Its okay? What? Me leaving the conversation is okay? Or me staying for her to assure me is okay? I didnt have time to answer all those questions that popped. I walked out of the restaurant, away from her. The way she did it to me. Ann’s was assuring. I knew she’d come. Definitely to Ann’s.

Published inLost in perfection

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