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Author: soumya

Blunders – an infinite loop!

In less than a week, this is my second blog. Something is wrong somewhere. Exactly my thought too! But to my relief, I’ve explanations. Atleast to myself. The abrupt change is for my stupidity’s sake. Got a blog title in Tamil. Thought wonderful about it. And today, I get to know it was all a blunder. The meaning of the word was not what I assumed it to be! Well for my case, this is not the first time. My blogging history starts with a similar story. I’m used to this. Lol. And the blunder doesn’t just end there. With the present title, I still assumed something and something totally different turns out to be the actual implication!

But now, there’s no turning back again. Not gonna search for another title. Partially coz I’m embarrassed. But mostly coz the newer meaning of the title gives me a newer sense of existence. One that I’d have never guessed! The last straw actually does mean so? Lol.

A friend

I dont know to define one. Have many of them though. But now, I wonder how many of them were treated right? Was I good to them? Did I meet their expectations? I know the obvious answers. Friendship is not about treating good or meeting expectations. Blah Blah! I’ve heard them all. But that’s not the point. There’s commitment to people. An unwritten one. And that’s what I’m unsure of. I’m worried if I’m failing that responsibility. That’s the last thing in my mind. I dont want to fail them. Not a single one of them. For they have been so important to me, not even knowing the impact themselves.

I’m not talking about a particular he or she. But if he or she reads this, know this is about you. I’ve been the wise kid. All my life. Always taking the right decision, judging and evaluating, advising and consoling. Have never wanted anybody else to do all those with me. But then. Once in a while. A call. A text. You people dont realise the worth I assume to them. All I have to say is, what you have been to me, nobody else will be. But as life has it, I’ll be there too. I’m learning. To stick to my commitments and responsibilities. I’ve a lot of them. Dont I? 🙂

Transition

From the winged one, here I’m wingless and trapped. From ‘ottrai siragu’ (the single wing) to ‘siluvayil’ (in prison). Dont pull ya hair already. I’m just talking about the transition of my blog title. From one to another, jumping through, this is my fourth or so blog. Everytime I blog, everytime I kill it. And every time, I resurrect. But its difficult to resurrect at the same place. Coz most of the time, I’d have killed the blog coz I hated myself for writing it up. Going back to the same things you despise is awkward. So I choose another point on the web to resurrect with my writings. Starting fresh and anew, washing away the past. However, this time, nothing has been washed away. I have brought along the past with me. Coz this time, I’m not running away. This is just a new beginning. Kick start! Just another blog, with the same old Nomadic thoughts and insane symbolisms and irrational rationalism!

Welcome here. Be around. Help me get along. Cheers. 🙂

Just another day!

Just another day. Just another morning. Just another night. Just another feeling. Just another joy. Just another tear. Just another laugh. Just another pass. Just another being. Just another day that I survived. I survived. Just another life. Just another for another?

Foodominance!

There’s this mama and mami near my home. An old couple staying alone. Not coz they are childless. Their son married a woman of another caste. So did their daughter. The old man is ailing and the wife is not able to take care of him all by herself. But yet, the couple wouldn’t give up to the children. They are wounded and wouldn’t yield to any cajoling.

The other day, mami had come to our home. She was talking to my parents about how their kids have brought them shame and agony. She was saying, “Money or caste never matters. We have enough wealth. We’d have accepted the marriage. Except for how they wouldn’t give up non-veg food.” I couldn’t stop laughing at her statement and the emotion that she gave out through it. Should have appeared rude. But yet…food habits? Seriously? That ruins a family? Rotflmao.

I laughed and laughed. People say they eat to live. And I say we live to eat. Despite that, this level of dominance that food habits have on our society seems ridiculous to me. Personal likes and dislikes do exist; on food habits, as in any other segment of life. But then, I dont get that. Is the type of food more important than your own kids? From the other point, wouldn’t you stick to pure vegetarian food if that means you can be with your old parents? I really dont get that.

May be she lied. May be there’s the usual story of adamance and ego in not accepting the marriages. But may be, there’s some truth in what she said. Foodominance indeed!

Wriggling worms

This is precisely why I dont want to see news on TV or read newspaper. They do everything in their power to spoil a person’s peace of mind, whatever that’s leftover after a tedious day.How the heck am I to have food from those hotels after seeing those wriggling worms in the evening news. Trivandrum city in epidemic threat. Disease spreading germs found in alarming numbers. So what now? I wind up all my food habits and step into some form of starvation penanance? Lol.

An upset stomach is the last thing I want now. Rather, at any point of time. But guess that’s all I’m getting for now. Oh amma! Pashikkarathu!

A morning with you!

So what do you get of the title? That I had a wonderful awesome date with some ‘you’? Or just a pleasant calm day with somebody special? Lol. Its none. Its just a morning with ‘u’. Or simply, mourning! What am I mourning though? I dont know. Do you actually need a reason? Well, I do. I should have reasons. For anything and everything. Coz I’m rational beyond any rationale! Irrational rationalist! Sounds cool? Or weird? Or disgusting? I dont know. But I know how it feels. Just slightly better than crap and that’s it.

Why the heck am I still holding on to something that makes me feel like crap? Coz somebody occasionally compliments me. About how bold I am to have the guts to face things as they are? How reasons and parameters dont frighten me? No way! The compliment doesn’t complement the shit feel. Despite them, my reasons and rational thoughts, by themselves be the reason for my existence. At a moment like this, feeling like the entire world is closing upon me, if I can still write, I owe something to my rational brain.

Nonchalance. No way near solace. But yet, it gives me a feel of triumph. Victory over myself. The feel of having the reins back again in your hands. I’m beginning to savour this moment. Of nonchalance. Of peace. Of solitude.

Got a set of three books last month. Voraciously read and finished the last book today. Its strange. Just so strange that I’m like this. Finding meaning to everything and symbolising everything to something. But trust me this was different. I wasn’t merely symbolising with the book. I could relate. Perfectly. To every single line of it. I thought I’d write a biography before I die. Atleast a personal diary which will be let public after my death. But not anymore. After this book, I just dont have anything more to write. Its all said. Straight and precise.

If there’s one thing you’d like to do for me, please dont read the book. (if at all if you get to know the book title by ANY chance.) Dont ever. But I really want someone to read the author’s note. Or do I? May be not. 🙂

Disillusioned!

Remember this mad guy I talked about some months back? Oh I didnt post it. It was just a draft and later went to trash. As my most ramblings.

So there was this guy. (cant call him mad already!) Used to see him everyday at the bus stop as I waited for my bus to college. He walked around the place, talking senseless and acting weird. Would come so close to those talkative group of girls. So much as to make them stop all the chattering abrupt. Nervous and terrified. But he was harmless. He never did anything to them. He didn’t even stare at them, let alone talk or disturb. He just went round and round, lamenting and shouting.

One day, I could actually listen and understand what he was saying. He was talking to a lad, probably a stranger. It was not conversational kinda. More like screaming, he was saying how women are chasing him, yearning for his love and time. He was desperate. I could see through his eyes. It craved for someone to yearn for him. Someone to want him and his love.

Easily predictable. He would probably been have ditched by some bitch. And he just wouldn’t have got out of the shock. I pitied him.

Didn’t see him for some days then. By then, I had developed a habit of seeing him every morning. He resembled someone. That’s not the reason why I looked forward to see him. He just didn’t seem a stranger to me. And then he comes one day. With a cloth bag kinda thing in hand. He was going to Madras it seemed. With a small kit in hand, he was all set for a voyage. Instantly,
I was sad. Not a moment long. The bus came. I got in. And moved on.

Today morning, I saw two normal looking people talking casually. It wasn’t much difficult to recollect the face. And there he is. Back home. Back to his place.

So..was he not mad in the first place? Was that my ideas and thoughts forced upon him? Or may be he was just normal with a crazy streak. Or may be that just was his way of venting pain and agony. However may this be. My nth lesson for the day : Never ever dare judge another person’s mental status. Its complex. 🙂

Invictus!

The best that I’ve ever read!

Out of the night that covers me,
Black as the Pit from pole to pole,
I thank whatever gods may be
For my unconquerable soul.

In the fell clutch of circumstance
I have not winced nor cried aloud.
Under the bludgeonings of chance
My head is bloody, but unbowed.

Beyond this place of wrath and tears
Looms but the Horror of the shade,
And yet the menace of the years
Finds, and shall find, me unafraid.

It matters not how strait the gate,
How charged with punishments the scroll.
I am the master of my fate.
I am the captain of my soul.

– William Ernest Henley

Never in life have I actually understood an English poem. Let alone like it. English poems felt too shallow. For I never reckoned the abysmal depth of the language. I never truly acknowledged the power of words and their profound implications. But with this verse, I seemed to have got something out of it. Coz I fell in love with it from the moment I saw the title and read thru and between the lines. Falling deeper for my ‘the’ most cherished English verse!