Category: People

Over|Protected!

~ Soumya ~ Leave a comment

Yet another train journey. Yet another set of co-passengers. Yet another episode of effortless conversation. This time with a kid, much younger than my little sis! Meaning, I have no experience talking to such small kids. So as anyone could dare, I started off the conversation with a casual smile which she returned, and we held on it. She was an easy person to talk to, despite her age. Forgot her name already, rather, I quite didn’t understand the name when she told me. A less heard unique name. But her life, in the quite two hours of acquaintance, seemed usual to me. Typical parents, asking her to do that, not do this, take this, not take that, look here, not there, sit straight, not clumsy, oh my, the list goes on! The kid was being instructed about how to place the water bottle on the holder, as upto how to adjust her legs for the co-passenger (which was me!)!! I grew embarrassed looking at the child. At her untold apprehension. And inexpressive mannerisms. She was asked to wash, she did. Eat, she did. Wash again, she did. Take hands of the window sill, she did. Fold her legs to keep it neat, she did. Holy crap! Did they just stop by giving birth to the kid or did they go upto even teaching her to breath, giving lectures on pranayama!?!

I don’t share a similar childhood. I have had a much free and liberal days of growing up, when I got to mould myself into what I genuinely cherished and totally desired! My life is my decisions. And that’s the best thing that anyone can look at onself and say, at all odds and evens! And may be, this realisation is why I so much pitied the child. The parents seemed too unaware about how protection of their has outgrown the requisites and grown into unfathomable levels of obssession and over protection! All I could was to smile at her, making her feel done-it-all-seen-it-all aura, that I earnestly cooked up!

Show off!

~ Soumya ~ Leave a comment

“Oh yeah you’re overdoing it. Yes ofcourse that much of it was not necessary. Show off! It was so uncalled for. You really needn’t be that sincere to it. Ah come on, don’t be so nice lest they use next time too.”

A bunch of euphemistic ways of putting it right on your face, that you are showing it off a bit too much and its high time you shut it! Sometimes, people don’t understand when should they be stopping to try and stop the fruitless efforts. And also, at times, people just don’t understand when to stop the pointless comments on others’ sincere efforts. All of us, take our own turns, at both sides of the desk. You go perform, just too much, that judgement itself turns indefinite. Or you always sit back, never performing, never realising the worth of performing, discouraging every source of usefulness!

However at this particular moment of my life, I’d rather choose to believe I belong to the second class now. Iget criticised, often penalised, and overly commented upon, for things that I do out of my willful sense of virtue and morality. “Ninte karyam aalochikkumbo chiri varunnu. Nee enthina ithra involved aavunne?”!! [Its funny thinking about you. Why are you even getting so involved?] That was a senior’s comment on my over – anxiety about certain stuff from college. More and more of it is what I keep getting, from teachers, classmates, friends, loved ones! Why am I being so overly commented upon, if all that I do is over-react and over-do things!

I think here’s my point. The subtlity of mind is what we often lack, when thinking on a broader perspective of things! But the expression of the mind and its inifinite complexity demands to walk over every other hurdle.

P.S. Anyone inspired may stop the accusation episodes of ‘Enthoru showedei!’ [Show off!’]

F.R.I.E.N.D.S

~ Soumya ~ Leave a comment

I miss FRIENDS! That’s what we had named our group chat in fb. A bunch of us, who shared similar and differing thoughts, and yet who cared enough to share it with eachother. I initiated the chat, as a 3 people convo. Almost a month ago,I guess. And by now, it has grown big enough, including all 12 or so of us, the like-minded! And today,I just kicked myself out of the conversation. I miss it there! I so much want to get back to the conversation but the reason I got out for, still stays. So now, I just miss my FRIENDS and I sit so blank! Not wanting to go back, but not able to sit alone. What should I let go of now!

This is a piece of writing that someone would expect to go into their Dear Diary times. Not on a public blog, where heated discussions on global socio-economic crises or emotional crests like euphoria or hysteria or some -ria is expected! But I suppose, blogging is more about opening upto the world, rather than cooking up stuff! Writing what you feel.about what happens in your life is more important than evaluating global stands on the world’s existence.

I hate those people, who write so much, who talk so much. About human belief systems, mental struggles of the people of the world, the survival and its cost! Duh! As if, you have been through the struggle, or have ever had any belief system or even have known any question on survivlal. Writing should be genuine, about things that you know, things that you feel and experience! Be an expressive writer than just a columnist!

Murder(er…er?)

~ Soumya ~ 1 Comment

I don’t want to kill anybody. Atleast at this precise point of writing this, I least bit think of it. But if things go this way, I’ll be arrested for killing someone, sooner or later. I feel like a dangerous sociopath myself, with the revving of an engine my head! I am a total noob with vehicles on the road and yet, I hold all authority by law, to drive a two wheeler, even the one WITH gear, and any four wheeler! How ridiculous! I am a social threat and nobody stops me! Coz nobody knows! I drive rash. Rash doesn’t define speed alone. I am careless on the road. Reckless and blind and deaf. But I can’t refrain myself from the vehicle. I love that wind-against-the-face feeling and tearing away of limits. But its often not on my risk, when the involved parties are not even part of the plan. So finally, I came down to a conclusive term with me and the road! I won’t ever ride any vehicle anymore until I have a personal guarantee that I’m fit for it. And guess what! I even called up an intimate someone to have an eye on me. To stop me from going anywhere near or gaining control of any revving thing! And look at me! I still go around in two wheelers, without letting myself accept the risk, often failing to properly communicate my schedule to my “in charge”! And without fail, I regret having done that, like today.

So today, I went for a ride, all by myself. Was driving as careful as possible. And suddenly, I just felt like overtaking this guy on a bike and I did. Coz he wasn’t racing anyway. And the next moment, I see him revving intensely and overtaking me and a car ahead of me, in a turning! I thought he almost fell off it, or hit somewhere or something. I needn’t have overtook him. May be, I just hurt the “guy’s ego” and instigated him! And further as I speed down the road, on my way back, lights were up and the Sun was down. Again, overtaking a vehicle, I was on a nitroboost. And there they go, an old couple taking a U-turn or something right ahead of me. I almost crash landed on them.Thanks to the brakes that actually worked well even with my slow brain! I could stop at a safe distance. They didn’t have the light turned on. But yeah, that’s no excuse. If I were that blind, I perhaps should surrender my licence or at least turn off my nitroboost forever. Hope I don’t end up killing someone in my ‘Pleasure’ trips!

Thanks a lot and sorry!

~ Soumya ~ Leave a comment

“People get annoyed when you thank them or apologise, at informal occasions.” I was surprised by that information! Its like, “She’s showing off too much!”, “She is so ritualistic. Doesn’t value relationships at all.”, “What does she think? That I did this for her for her thank you!” “No thank you and sorry between friends yaar!” Oh my God! Really! So much responses for one thank you or a sorry. Its like you can just never be sincerely thankful or apologising, whatever may happen, all gets questioned. But I still always thank and apologise. From the bus conductor in the morning thru the friend who drops me to the next bust stop in the evening,(its actually like I take her pillion and ‘drop’ myself!!), I thank almost everyone who does anything close to a favor to me! And I apologise, when the trouble was really not intended.

With all these, I had almost had ample confidence to be a part of an organisation or to work associating with a larger crew! After all, I had self proclaimed myself as a very ‘down to earth’ person! But there’s this thing about communication you know! Fundamentally, you are to decipher only so much from someone’s words, just as much they said. But everybody digs for deeper implications and often misunderstand the situations. At least with me, it has always been like, it’s what’s that’s said as what that’s actually! Nothing more to dig for! But a stronger theory holds. It is never about how good you’re at heart. It’s about what you communicate with them. Never what you think/feel, but about what you express! Now with the activities of the Union and so many other organisations that I am now a part of, I am to communicate more with a larger group of people, more frequently and more intensely. And there I understand, what my other friend said is so right! I should really start behaving more like my name. More ‘soumya’. Humble and polite. I need to work on it. Really so, that I don’t rupture my rapport with the population around me!

And thanks to that unknown senior! He perhaps really changed something about me. “You talk good, clear and confident.But may be you should take more care about what you communicate. You shouldn’t have said *that* in the last meeting”! Yeah I agree. When hundred people around me point a finger at me, chances are higher that they are right and I am wrong. So, its time I thought about it. And I guess I am implementing the ‘name put to action’ agenda already! Thanks to so many of you who all, in a way, answered my question from yesterday’s post. And thanks, for pointing them out so brilliantly to me. Gratitude. And apologies.

Daivamundu!

~ Soumya ~ 3 Comments

All of a sudden, I say daivamundu. (God is there!) Not that I was an atheist. Not that I was disciple of any form of worship either. Was it like I was almost slipping down the cliff of agnostic thoughts? Well anyway, life has just taken me over and lifted me from the fall, with an amazing ease and splendor. Now, this moment, I am a believer. That someone is definitely watching over all the drama. I don’t pray yet. I don’t attend religious gatherings. I don’t make offerings. But I am a believer. I don’t believe in the give-and-take policy with God. God is supposed to be infinitely more supreme. When even I have the heart to help a total stranger held in trouble, wouldn’t God have the heart for it? When I don’t curse somebody for their ingratitude, why would God’s wrath may even be considered plausible? Nobody’s gonna make you ill if you forgot the 1008 thenga (coconuts) for Ganapathy! Come on, Ganapathy is not our villain. He’s the vignavinashaka (problem solver) of our lives! Why are Gods and Goddesses and all other form of deities picturised as scary, wrathful, scornful beings?

Faith is an over exploited commodity when it comes to religions and spiritual manifestations of it. You do the Navagrahahomam and the Ganapathihomam. If its breaking your financial stability, why do you still insist on the Bhagavathiseva too? Afraid that Devi would burn your life into ashes? What kinda faith is it, blindly performing the rituals, out of fear of condemn! I am not against religious rituals and activities. In fact, ever since childhood, that has always been the occasion of family gathering, lot of delicacies, lot of fun and frolic. Growing up, understanding the concept of the rituals, I am all the more approving of the nobility of the religious expressions. But things feel terribly awkward and ridiculous, when people tend to forget the fundamental idea that lead them to the initiation of such rituals.

Ah! All that seemed overboard for my scope of knowledge and experiences in such matters. Something triggered and I just couldn’t stop. Adding to the urge, the liberation of not having my parents around reading this, and prosecuting me for my spiritual ignorance, really boosted up the writing. Not to forget what I started off with, Daivamundu. But, Faith in fellow beings might speed up you revelation of it though! 🙂

Kalyanamelam!

~ Soumya ~ 3 Comments

So marriage season again in the family!!! In less than a year’s gap after the last marriage, the next kalyanamelam is up in the family! Oh my god!!! I am so excited about this next big thing in the family. But as much as it, I am tensed and worried. Who’s gonna be next in line? Nah, not immediately ME. I have still people to lead me in the line. From the infinite seeming line of cousins yet-to-be-hitched, we have now reduced to 3 or 4! And that’s scary coz everything seems so quick and out of anyone’s control. It’s not particularly about getting married or not getting married. Its about how life changes after every such twists in story. We were all cousins, friends who played along, confidants to eachother, casual and light headed. But as I have seen it always, and what marriage does to a person, it is like losing someone too close to someone else, who you hardly know! Shouldn’t it be rather like a new person is getting in the train with us and that we all might make the journey more wonderful? So it should be. Its not like marriage breaks a family. Its just that things never stay the same. At times, we improve with life and get better with relations. But at tmes, it’s not an improved life that we all seek. Or so with me, I often cherish life as it was, before we all grew up to ‘marry-able’ age, and when we were just there for eachother, by a sense of oneness that seeped in, in each of us, ever since birh, all into the childhood. And at the onset of adulthood, I wonder if ‘manni’ (sister in law) could be as loving as ‘akka’ (sister) or if ‘athimber’ (brother in law) could be as caring as ‘anna'(brother)!

This is not a post script. Just a note I add, to clarify my seemingly twisted writing. I have a manni who has been more loving than any akka. And an athimber whom I’d feel so safe with as my anna. I wasn’t comparing. Nor complaining. Just getting settled with the idea of one more marriage, and losing one more from the ‘children’ group of the family into the responsible and serious adult club!

The first vote!

~ Soumya ~ Leave a comment

As I mentioned earlier, the college election just happened. The first ever election in the history of the college. My first ever political association, however faint may it be. My first ever casting of a vote, even in a mock election scenario. There were too many things that made this a really special event. But however, the most special moment was when the results were out and I won! It was one heck of a moment for me! Giving myself enough time to relish the joy, I postponed this post on purpose.

It was a tough call. An extremely difficult game to win, considering how less popular I am and how more popular was my opponent. Turns out, the ‘party’ is the most popular. So I stood with this most popular party and reaped success! Not to forget mentioning how much public support I received, friends turned to active campaigning and active campaign-ers turned friends. That was a good turn of events to experince. Day in and day out, election is all we talked about. Even went upto the point of taking a full day off at one of our places, and sat around to discuss the expected vote approximates. Made infinite number of phone calls, to so many people, all in two days time. Learnt the power of peer pressure. It can even make you let go off your ego and pride, and call people who you’d never want to even look at. All in the name of the ‘party’! Amen!

It was not easy getting consent from home to contest in the election. It was politics after all. Mom was like almost certain I’d drop B.Tech and literature for the sake of it and enter into main stream politics, where I could die in a Police charge in! 😛 Or rather, get distracted screw up my studies. It took me a lot of begging and pleading before I finally get the permission to go for it. And yay!! It was totally worth the pain invoved. The status, the authority, the extra privileges etc., are all added benefits. The key point, however, is the extent of the contacts I possess and the people in my life! People I’d have in no other way talked, seniors, juniors, year-mates, classmates! So many of them. And suddenly I feel like I am in a more sound environment with FRIENDS than what I expected for myself.Totally worth all the pain and loss of pride!
So happy and I tweet, Ningal enne communist aaki!” as if I never wanted to be one! 😛

Media – the showbiz!

~ Soumya ~ 2 Comments

The other day, I had this heated argument with my brother, that ended up without any conclusion. Considering that we debated about the Delhi rape incident and the related activist-spree that’s blaring up, conclusions can’t be quite expected anyway. It all started with me re-tweeting something about how the media has taken up the news and are keen on sensationalising it and how passive the country is, as ever. It’s always a show biz if you ask me. You get a new sensational news item, the media brews it for you in a newspaper, along with the morning tea, and a crunchy snack for the evening news. And a whole day pack, if its a weekend at home, with live coverage and headlines, played in loop. Its a season, a fiesta; a grand fiesta for the media and for all the good for nothing organisations. To enjoy and eat out of any of these sensational and sensitive incident. Now, its the rape season. One girl got raped, and that became THE news. And the subsequent days have nothing but gang rapes and child abuse to report about. Like the entire world just stopped everything else and resorted into some rape mania. The woman got raped, mutilated and brutally killed. Its a really unfortunate thing to happen and a huge shame to the whole of the country. Now what about it?

As ever, nothing about it. They talked a looooooot. They are still talking a looot. Will talk a lot more and then finally stop when it gets boring. And obviously, yet another sensational tem has to show up! So that they can repeat the whole media stunt! My point is too clear here. There’s no action ever taken on anything here. But that’s a totally bearable fact in a democracy as big as India. I don’t expect demands to tansform into protests, protests into amicable discussions, discussions to bills, and bills to rules, overnight. Its a lengthy tedious infinite-parameters involved execution. And everyone CAN wait so long, if they could wait this long, in the first place.

I wrote so much so very long before, but waited for something to happen. Like somebody would really make a difference and things would really change for better! Duh! Like I’m in Utopia. Now don’t ask me if that ‘somebody’ couldn’t have been in you or me. Or that, how insensitive I am about life issues. C’mon folks! The showtime is over, switch back to practicality. Like my bro, like so many other fellow idiots, I too hoped, things might actually turn out different atleast this time. And may be, I’d have to discard my this draft and compile a new token of acknowledgement to the miracle that could have materialised. *silent grin* The draft didn’t go in vain!

P.S. Many of you might find this post too narrow minded and written out of sheer ignorance. Well, possibilities are either way, you might be right or you could as well go wrong. For the record, I have totally nothing against media, but sensationalistion.

Payanangal mudivathillai!

~ Soumya ~ Leave a comment

Every time, I go travelling with my parents, the one thing that stays is the decision that *that* would be the last trip. But every next time, I am still travelling with them, with the same thought over and over. Payanangal mudivathillai. The journey never ends. But somehow this time, I am looking forward to more of these trips. I almost realise that I have always loved them anyway. Or may be, over the years, they just got better and better.

The one reason I probably love it may be is that, we always travel to Tamil Nadu. North or south or central. It will always be some part of the state. And I so much love this land, the people, the culture, the language, the temples, the all-night awake streets. I so much love being here. And every trip gives me strange experiences. The old lady who invites me to the seat next to hers, worrying if I hadn’t notice the vacant seat. The intimate addressing from total strangers, building innocent associations, genuine despite their transience. The down to earth aura that comes so innate with locale. The senthamizh that flows so fluently. The mallikai vaasam, from the jasmine clad women. The busy street and the crowd like nomads, stranded and lost, or often mesmerised and stunned by the glow of consumerism. The shopkeepers call out, coaxing you into buying stuff and endorsing even undergarments! The street vendors yield to bargain to any unimaginable level, and offer ‘special’ interest and discount to ‘all’ their ‘special’ customers, if you care enough to talk and build a rapport, of some identifiable measure. Nobody keeps trade secrets here! I was surprised how that old man explained the exact mix of his beyond perfect filter coffee! Was he so sure I’d never replicate it or did he just not care! There’s more to a coffee than just buying and sipping thru. There’s relishing a coffee and personally appreciating the taste to the old man who made it for you. “Coffee pramadham!”.

And today’s pivotal joint in our itinerary was Nellaiyappar Temple, Tirunelveli. The temple, in one word, is a maze. I am so surprised by the sheer awesomeness in the architecture. Not just for the sculptures, or the Saptaswara pillars,(where you here the seven swaras of Carnatic music, by the clang of each stone pillar, that vibrates like they were strings of a veena). Its a maze that they have built up there. The numerous doors at every passage, that leads to another set of numerous doors to numerous deities and sculptures. You don’t get lost there coz the most inviting paths are the most trodden direct paths, circling the temple in the shortest route. But if you choose to enter every next door you see, you’re probably to end up in some dark enclosed space with vermillion spread forms of Gods, with unknown names. I should probably upload a pic or two of the temple, to elaborate the greatness of the expanse. Looking forward to a similar mind blowing episode tomorrow, at Tiruchendur Murugan sannidhi!