Through the land of windmills!

~ Soumya ~ Leave a comment

The title is what I named my feature on Nuclear Power Plants at Koodankulam! In Malayalam! I found that very amusing and beautiful. Kattadikalude naatiloode… But perhaps, that’s not how you write features for a magazine. What do I know about it anyway! Well, I am making another point here. May be its not always about what you know, but about how you express it. I am not an excellent writer nor an expert with words. But I am ardent in expressions of thoughts. In words. In speech. In action. Somehow. Thoughts are to be conveyed, shared and thought more upon. And there, I have a lot to share. My eloquence is one thing that makes me proud of myself. And only recently did I find out that, the blog is just one of the many forms of my expression, and not the ultimate of anything. There’s more talking to people, more interaction, more sharing of thoughts, more pooling of ideas, and exhaustive brain exercise! More like, I am just out of a long hibernation, and I feel revived now!

Going back to my feature, I have left that pending yet. Not that I can’t put down a few words and a liitle thought into them, and come up with the matter. But as I pointed out to myself, it’s not just about knowing but about the expression of it! Words are too few, for the infinite expressions of the multitudes of a mind’s knowledge. Waiting for my chosen few words, I think it’s worth it to give myself a break often. More than writing a lot of things, the focus is to be upon the expression of things. And to give away the best expressions of thoughts, thinking is what you need more than writing them down! Taking away a writer’s block, I am with a thinker’s pause!

Arts @ college.. #1- Flash mob!

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The most enthralling sight of my life happened yesterday. I have seen people laugh in groups, cry in groups, fight in groups, sing in groups, and do so many other things in groups, having eachother’s back at all times. Well, if you ask me, I have seen people dance in group too. Those group performance on stage. But Flash Mob is a totally different thing! Its a totally different experience. The performers jumping out of the audience, practically flashing out of the mob. So unexpected that the whole performance least bit looks an organised and systematic performance, though that’s all it really is. The vibrance and enthusiasm of the performers are brimming. Almost like, it might influence anyone to shake the body a bit and move with the beat. Watching my first ever Flash Mob, I almost wanted to pop out of the audience and dance! Don’t bother I don’t know dance or I am obese or I am not ‘dance material’! It was an urge that couldn’t be replaced!

Well, for the record, I did not dance but I so wanted to! It was a moment of ecstacy and pure joy! Those couple of moments, were some of the best moments of the Arts Day at college, for the exhaustion of the day, yesterday. There’s so much more to write and share and feel good about the Arts! Let this be part #1 of the series! There’s always too much to write. Just never enough time to finish it all!

Happily ever after!

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[Straight from the auto saved drafts list. Read immediate previous post for clarity, if called for.]

P.S. I wish if I could fill this space. And share what I thought about a ‘happily ever after’! There’s so much to say. If only if someone would listen!

Limbo!

~ Soumya ~ Leave a comment

So now, Rekha akka, I officially lost the challenege. I didn’t write yesterday. Did I forget? Or did I run out of things to write? Well, in reality, I just slept it off. Like, 24 hours are really not sufficient for anything. Lately, I have been losing a lot of time in ways I can’t even identify. And lately, I am not being myself. I am suffocated with words brewing in my mind. And blogging everyday is really not sufficient expression of it. Words are enough to express, only, time isn’t ever. Lost here, with a deluge of words in my head, I can’t explain myself.

This morning, I was shook from sleep by something and the first thought was to confirm if I had blogged yesternight before dozing off. But I hadn’t done anything more than the title “Happily ever after!”. I always wanted to write,but always had excuses to run away from the actual act of it, with trivial justifications. I was of the hope that atleast a challenge of this kind would cheer me enough. An article for a major magazine, or so I persume, is due tomorrow and I haven’t even begun with it. And for the record, the deadline was a month ago, and by some luck, I just got it extended. As if even those magazine people were keen on publishing what I might write! And, I don’t write at all. My college magazine is on the go and I haven’t done anything there either. I have an essay competition today. What miracle am I expecting to happen in that constrained one hour and thirty minutes!

I don’t want to be here, caught in limbo. I don’t want to experience this block in the flow. May be, me writing or not writing doesn’t change anything in this big world. But, there was a time when it changed a lot of things in my little world, filled with satisfaction of having expressed myself! I am waiting to be once again back there. Waiting to be kicked out of this limbo!

Being the wise one!

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This is not me boasting about my wisdom. This is plainly about the ‘wise’ aura that I am proud of! I asked someone who knows about the 30 day challenge, for a topic for today’s blog. And this, the title, is what she suggested. Like so many others in this world, I often feel very wise about decision making and problem solving in other people’s lives. And unlike so many others, I find equally sensible and wise about ‘the’ moments about one’s own life too. I am confident about what I do, what I think , how I speak, why I turn away. I know it all, in my life too, as in any another person’s life! I may not be a visibly successful person, considering how promising my wisdom appears to be.

But yet, this is a feeling. That boosts confidence in me. To make another step in my life, as in others’ lives, when situations demand! I am growing beyond my tiny shell of ignorant arrogance and foolish temperaments. I can help people out, as I listen to them. I may have access to a variety of life experiences and may be growing more mature and containing enough, to most adversities that a normal person may have to sit thru. I can talk, coz I listen patient enough to assimilate and walk thru the by-pass! I suddenly feel old. Looking around for newer and sectioned experiences!!

Murder(er…er?)

~ Soumya ~ 1 Comment

I don’t want to kill anybody. Atleast at this precise point of writing this, I least bit think of it. But if things go this way, I’ll be arrested for killing someone, sooner or later. I feel like a dangerous sociopath myself, with the revving of an engine my head! I am a total noob with vehicles on the road and yet, I hold all authority by law, to drive a two wheeler, even the one WITH gear, and any four wheeler! How ridiculous! I am a social threat and nobody stops me! Coz nobody knows! I drive rash. Rash doesn’t define speed alone. I am careless on the road. Reckless and blind and deaf. But I can’t refrain myself from the vehicle. I love that wind-against-the-face feeling and tearing away of limits. But its often not on my risk, when the involved parties are not even part of the plan. So finally, I came down to a conclusive term with me and the road! I won’t ever ride any vehicle anymore until I have a personal guarantee that I’m fit for it. And guess what! I even called up an intimate someone to have an eye on me. To stop me from going anywhere near or gaining control of any revving thing! And look at me! I still go around in two wheelers, without letting myself accept the risk, often failing to properly communicate my schedule to my “in charge”! And without fail, I regret having done that, like today.

So today, I went for a ride, all by myself. Was driving as careful as possible. And suddenly, I just felt like overtaking this guy on a bike and I did. Coz he wasn’t racing anyway. And the next moment, I see him revving intensely and overtaking me and a car ahead of me, in a turning! I thought he almost fell off it, or hit somewhere or something. I needn’t have overtook him. May be, I just hurt the “guy’s ego” and instigated him! And further as I speed down the road, on my way back, lights were up and the Sun was down. Again, overtaking a vehicle, I was on a nitroboost. And there they go, an old couple taking a U-turn or something right ahead of me. I almost crash landed on them.Thanks to the brakes that actually worked well even with my slow brain! I could stop at a safe distance. They didn’t have the light turned on. But yeah, that’s no excuse. If I were that blind, I perhaps should surrender my licence or at least turn off my nitroboost forever. Hope I don’t end up killing someone in my ‘Pleasure’ trips!

The editor!

~ Soumya ~ 1 Comment

I always wanted to be an editor. An editor of something. The newspaper editor we see in movies, who make controversial story appear in their daily, and contribute in the making of a socially aware society! (Like Murali in the movie Pathram!). Or the magazine editors who cover interesting features and meet so many people, for every edition of theirs! Like my cousin Rekha. I wanted to be something near an editor at least. I wanted to read and filter what others might write. I want to make my own comments in the editorial, and still get people to read it. And on one awesome day, my English teacher asks me for an editorial for the school magazine! All the while, I was one of the two student editors who didn’t know what we were actually doing with the magazine. Coz, we never saw a single article in the magazine before its publication. And even to get a copy of the magazine, of which I was an editor, I had to pre-order with juniors and wait for, coz by the time of the magazine release, I was already out of school. That was one unfortunate editor experience, except for the joy, for God knows what, that I saw my name against the title ‘Student Editors’! The fellow editor also blogs somewhere here, but she is yet to grant permission to bring her out in public. Hope she does, at least after reading this.

So by ending up with a professional course, I almost fully bundled up my ‘editor dreams’ and was facing reality with a smile! And then came my second year of college, with a college magazine boom! So I hope, I work here now, and may be someday I can at least get into the editorial board of it! And guess what, I just back off and sit at home, teaching myself to forget about all magazines! I re bundled my ‘aspirations’, for which I never worked for. Yet again, the time came once again when I could unravel my bundled up desire! But not anymore, for I now realised final years are never gonna be editors, by University norms, and I have less than 2 months in my pre-final year! 😛

Need I say more!

Unwinding!

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If only if I could just skip this writing or unwinding of the day! I am near a black out of my senses. Too tired. Too much pressure. Too sleepy. Exhausting but exciting days are on their go in my life. And at the end of every such day, I just wanna hit the bed and black out. I don’t wanna think about anything. Not about what happened the whole day. Not the least bit about writing. Just shut the eyelids tight and usher sleep in!

This has always been an irony in my life. As in many others’. I so much want to write. About my life at this precise moment. There’s really so much to write about. To be proud, to be happy, to be sad, to vent, to simply share. But now when life’s so eventful, I don’t have time. Not even to acknowledge the awesome turns in my life, let alone write it down. But the craving to atleast scribble something is pushing me enough to post this. Well, everybody’s life’s so and so I know there’s nothing to boast about it. But I just had to say it out anyway.

The irony still intrigues me. Almost a year before, my days still used to end up in a black out when I used to forcefully exert so much pressure on myself and push me to exhaustion. And back then, I used to support and justify my ‘not writing’, with this same very reason of the end of the day black out! Things pretty much remain the same except for that, now I don’t look out for blacking out! Writing is always at stake and so is my passion!

Thanks a lot and sorry!

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“People get annoyed when you thank them or apologise, at informal occasions.” I was surprised by that information! Its like, “She’s showing off too much!”, “She is so ritualistic. Doesn’t value relationships at all.”, “What does she think? That I did this for her for her thank you!” “No thank you and sorry between friends yaar!” Oh my God! Really! So much responses for one thank you or a sorry. Its like you can just never be sincerely thankful or apologising, whatever may happen, all gets questioned. But I still always thank and apologise. From the bus conductor in the morning thru the friend who drops me to the next bust stop in the evening,(its actually like I take her pillion and ‘drop’ myself!!), I thank almost everyone who does anything close to a favor to me! And I apologise, when the trouble was really not intended.

With all these, I had almost had ample confidence to be a part of an organisation or to work associating with a larger crew! After all, I had self proclaimed myself as a very ‘down to earth’ person! But there’s this thing about communication you know! Fundamentally, you are to decipher only so much from someone’s words, just as much they said. But everybody digs for deeper implications and often misunderstand the situations. At least with me, it has always been like, it’s what’s that’s said as what that’s actually! Nothing more to dig for! But a stronger theory holds. It is never about how good you’re at heart. It’s about what you communicate with them. Never what you think/feel, but about what you express! Now with the activities of the Union and so many other organisations that I am now a part of, I am to communicate more with a larger group of people, more frequently and more intensely. And there I understand, what my other friend said is so right! I should really start behaving more like my name. More ‘soumya’. Humble and polite. I need to work on it. Really so, that I don’t rupture my rapport with the population around me!

And thanks to that unknown senior! He perhaps really changed something about me. “You talk good, clear and confident.But may be you should take more care about what you communicate. You shouldn’t have said *that* in the last meeting”! Yeah I agree. When hundred people around me point a finger at me, chances are higher that they are right and I am wrong. So, its time I thought about it. And I guess I am implementing the ‘name put to action’ agenda already! Thanks to so many of you who all, in a way, answered my question from yesterday’s post. And thanks, for pointing them out so brilliantly to me. Gratitude. And apologies.