Tag: Crap

Media – the showbiz!

~ Soumya ~ 2 Comments

The other day, I had this heated argument with my brother, that ended up without any conclusion. Considering that we debated about the Delhi rape incident and the related activist-spree that’s blaring up, conclusions can’t be quite expected anyway. It all started with me re-tweeting something about how the media has taken up the news and are keen on sensationalising it and how passive the country is, as ever. It’s always a show biz if you ask me. You get a new sensational news item, the media brews it for you in a newspaper, along with the morning tea, and a crunchy snack for the evening news. And a whole day pack, if its a weekend at home, with live coverage and headlines, played in loop. Its a season, a fiesta; a grand fiesta for the media and for all the good for nothing organisations. To enjoy and eat out of any of these sensational and sensitive incident. Now, its the rape season. One girl got raped, and that became THE news. And the subsequent days have nothing but gang rapes and child abuse to report about. Like the entire world just stopped everything else and resorted into some rape mania. The woman got raped, mutilated and brutally killed. Its a really unfortunate thing to happen and a huge shame to the whole of the country. Now what about it?

As ever, nothing about it. They talked a looooooot. They are still talking a looot. Will talk a lot more and then finally stop when it gets boring. And obviously, yet another sensational tem has to show up! So that they can repeat the whole media stunt! My point is too clear here. There’s no action ever taken on anything here. But that’s a totally bearable fact in a democracy as big as India. I don’t expect demands to tansform into protests, protests into amicable discussions, discussions to bills, and bills to rules, overnight. Its a lengthy tedious infinite-parameters involved execution. And everyone CAN wait so long, if they could wait this long, in the first place.

I wrote so much so very long before, but waited for something to happen. Like somebody would really make a difference and things would really change for better! Duh! Like I’m in Utopia. Now don’t ask me if that ‘somebody’ couldn’t have been in you or me. Or that, how insensitive I am about life issues. C’mon folks! The showtime is over, switch back to practicality. Like my bro, like so many other fellow idiots, I too hoped, things might actually turn out different atleast this time. And may be, I’d have to discard my this draft and compile a new token of acknowledgement to the miracle that could have materialised. *silent grin* The draft didn’t go in vain!

P.S. Many of you might find this post too narrow minded and written out of sheer ignorance. Well, possibilities are either way, you might be right or you could as well go wrong. For the record, I have totally nothing against media, but sensationalistion.

Defeat!

~ Soumya ~ 4 Comments

Ever since I got down to this city, I’ve been travelling. On and on. On a two wheeler (many actually), by car, by bus, by walk. Long long distances. Hours turned minutes. Confusions turned solutions. Emptiness filled. Silence echoed. Walking around like a crazy woman was so relaxing. Well, it still is. But for some unknown reason, I feel like closing myself up in this room and just stay exactly like this. Like I totally hate going out.

But that aint true. Not true at all. Coz I love going out. Just anywhere out of enclosed spaces. I just feel so defeated today. So lost that I’d rather keep myself to myself. Had this stupid encounter in a bus. Was on my way back home from somewhere and I got into this crowded bus. With too many ladies standing in the front, and relatively too few men. And then I see this guy sitting in the seat reserved for ladies. He’s not a handicap. He’s not old. Pretty much in late twenties. And I wanted him to offer the seat to somebody there, who’s old and was practically saying out she’s tired, if not to me. And when I ask him, he wants the conductor’s recommendation to look into my plea. And now when I requested the conductor, he offered me the pleasure of kicking him out all by myself. I stopped looking at him. I got the next immediate seat I got and tried to push away his victorious grimace. But I was so defeated. So lost deep down. Not to that smart ass. Not that irresponsible conductor. But to myself. I was lost if I should ask for the seat or not. Demanding my rights was never a tough thing. So it was not about asking him to get up. All that it might have taken is a bit of yelling. But it was actually about my want. Did I really want that seat? Everybody wanted to sit but nobody cared to support me. And for a moment, it all felt so futile and lost. And I stopped. Defeated. It’s just that one moment that you need to pass. The judgment. The decision making. Whether or whether not. A life long of such crucial points is nothing less than excruciating. I couldn’t stand just one such moment. So defeated indeed!

Koothara!

~ Soumya ~ Leave a comment

So what’s koothara? For a very long time, koothara was a malayalam slang which could simply imply anything from naughty to nasty. I could never bring myself to bother much around the implications, coz there were too many more such incomprehensible words in my expanding colloquial vocab! But suddenly, koothara makes sense to me. Very much enlightened kinda sense. May be it was always meant so only. But just occurred to me that, may be, it is something like “koodiya thara” – Very cheap.

Did you just think that somebody called me “koothara” or very cheap? Or did you even think that I am so cheap to be even writing about this? Seriously. I dont care what you think. But ultimately, its thoughts that matter. So I would like to clarify thoughts here. I may or may not be addressed so..(Yeah, I have no intention of disclosing such info!). The point is…well do you see any point here? Guess not. I can hardly make sense, let alone any point! Why are you still reading? There ain’t any point here. Nothing at all. Its just one of my usual blabbering. Would that have been a better title than “koothara’? I don’t think so. This is absolutely about the ‘koothara’ that I am, or anybody else is. You think otherwise? Like hell it matters!

Adieu! To all koothara-ism that was entertained till moment. I am so fucked by this and that and the umpteen implications.

The growth!

~ Soumya ~ 2 Comments

I’ve grown. I dont know how big. But I do have grown. May be a bit. Or a bit more. Or a bit less. It doesn’t count as long as I actually have grown. Growth is gradual. Biological, mental, psychological. Whatever may growth be relative of, growth is slow but irreversible.

How to define growth here? Sleeping in between parents and then moving on to sleeping alone is growth to me. Moving on from us to me. From home to ‘my’ room. From tv to computers. From mail to chat. From friends to ‘a’ friend. Dosas to pizza. ‘Boost’ to coffee. Salwar to jeans. From reading to writing. Crying to yelling. Truth to lies. Trust to betrayal. Living to existing. Memories to reality. Orkut to Facebook.It’s all growth to me. Moving on is growth.

Did I get confused between change and growth? This was all about change. So much about growth too. May be it suggests growth and change coincide. May be. May be not. Growing to change and changing to grow. From what you are to what you should be. From what you want to what you deserve. That defines it. I’ve grown. And changed. From a calm docile creature to a woman who can reap comments like, “Ee penkutti entha ee cheyyunne!”. (What the heck is this girl doing!)
Growth from sleep to sleeplessness.

The iconoclast!

~ Soumya ~ Leave a comment

All my life was an attempt in vain to be an iconoclast. I did not think being one is easy. But I assumed it was possible for me. But the futility of my efforts is depressing. Futility isn’t absolute though. I haven’t yet met with a fiasco. Its just minor flaws that reflect major shortcomings to what I have always wanted. So now what do you say? Is my loss redeemable yet?

My mom read the blog the other day. And her obvious worry! What on earth is my never ending saga of mourning and pain about? She wonders what have I lost so much in life. She’s right about that. I haven’t ‘lost’ anything in life. Life is good. As good and as smooth as it should be. For an average girl of my age, requirements are few and expectations are huge. And for me, they never matter for they are all taken care of. Wants and needs are the way I define it for myself. If I call a want to my need, it gets done as my most immediate need. All thanks to my family and people around me.

But what if I am the illusion myself. Practicality ruling over me, often I filter my wants and needs. What I desperately need gets pushed under my fancies, presumably too irrelevant to be even thought of for a second time.

I get that. Even without looking at your eyes, its obvious what you are thinking. When people have totally nothing to do, may be they can think so much and write so much and drive others nuts! Lol. I agree. I have totally nothing to do. Hence I think. Hence I write. So with you. You dont have anything to do. You dont think yet. You dont write yet. Hence you read. And hence you pull your hair. Who should be blamed?

Aghast!

~ Soumya ~ Leave a comment

Taken aghast by the turn of events. So totally shocked to move a limb, raise a thought, utter a word. I’m shivering. Not in the chill. But in the coldness around me.

Changes are what people should be used to and okay with. But then, I aint very happy about the very change. One pushed
after the after, my stack is full. Overflow condition! They are still in stack. Cant execute any of them. Coz none of them gets popped. My top pointer was never incremented. How the heck am I gonna empty my stack and finally ‘accept’ changes!

Ah crap! My programming sucks. I’m ashamed to call it coding. ‘Coding’ sounds techy and geeky. But ‘programming’ is okay for losers like me. There’s always this bug that escapes my eyes. Rather, my skills. It usually is too late before I even acknowledge that the code is erroneous.

What do I do then? What are my options? I cant change a bit. I cant take change a bit. I’m just so fucked by the changes. And the blow, one after the other. Too heavy to be blown away!

The three days!

~ Soumya ~ 4 Comments

‘Three days’ wouldn’t ring a bell to most. ‘Those days of the month’ says it though. Yeah, menstrual days, periods, the cat with its throat cut. Its all the same! But three is significant. Read further.

Bought up in Kerala, with the obvious inhibitions and consciousness of a woman, trust me its difficult. Just too difficult to actually ‘ask’ for sanitary pads. Super market billing counter is a different thing. Asking for ‘it’, waiting till the shopkeeper finds your brand and specifications, and finally making sure he wraps it up with something, rushing out without making eye contact. Its more difficult than taking the first step in proposing to someone! Trust me when I say that for its my experience. 🙂

How many of us women actually let others know if we are thru ‘those’ days? For some of us, it appears quite obvious when the body quite doesn’t cooperate. Its fine somebody getting to know. Not having ‘it’ in time is what concerns you here, so its perfectly fine. But announcing it? Going around and saying that ‘I’m on my periods!’ That’s impossible. Ah, and that is what I go through every month. Its disgusting. Tell your husband, tell your bro, tell your dad, tell your friend. Even tell your friend. But saying it to another male is like ‘ugly’, if I may want to sound polite and euphemistic.

So why would you say? For those first three days, you become an untouchable. When your body craves for some warmth, you’ll be dragged down the cosy bed to icy floor. Dont touch anything. Dont stay close to anything. Just dont dont do anything. Thank god, my books and phone doesn’t get washed if I touch them!

All these are what you suffer if you fall into a Brahmin family. But what it does to you is awesome things. The first three days of extreme pain, if any, you get cent percent rest. It lets you muster courage to go ‘ask’ for it. Not the least, it lets you realise the worth of touching things around you and existing with them! The bed suddenly turns more warm, the sofa all the more cosy, and the carpet becomes the best thing you have ever felt!

The quit

~ Soumya ~ Leave a comment

“Okay. I quit. I’m done. Cant take this anymore.” If you ask me, its the same dialogue that all wimpy pigheaded dumbasses say at the instant of a crisis. The moment you sense risk. The moment you think you dont have that extra one bit of what it takes to get past that moment. The moment you think its time to quit.

Not talking generally or particularly about quitters. Just casually about those egoistic (wimpy) bastards (or bitches). Those losers who are afraid to lose. Too egoistic to make a second attempt. Too stubborn to change the wrong ways. Too stupid to identify themselves going wrong. Just too much of a crap.

Ah! Seriously? Where was I? What was I to relate? Did I mean to say I’m one of those pathetic quitters? May be I meant to say I’m even worse. For I believe, a resume button will always appear each time I quit. Loser!