Nanbenda!

That’s the kinda friendship that I always sought after! Too few but too close. The kind I have always had. There was always accusations I am so unfriendly and hoarse to people. And the things were that way for the great majority of time in life. The twist in the story comes at this phase of life, where I am in college and face extreme loneliness. And at this point, when the attitude gets questioned, it’s almost like I just yield to all the accusations. Blame my attitude! I haven’t ever been too friendly, too nice or too cool. But nor too sour nor too bad. Something might have still been wrong with me or the rest of the world then. I’d rather choose its me! Easier to explain one person’s abnormality than with the entire world. Other than the random comments about my ‘not-like-the-name’ attitude, I have never had such a clear description about me!

There was this guy in train with me yesterday. A childhood friend. We used to go to the same after school creche, attend the same music class and so many other kids’events. I saw him first there. But he was with friends and I didn’t want to bother him, with an ages old companionship story. But in a while, he spotted me and wondered why I never took an initiative all the while. I openly said the reason. And then, we traveled together for the rest of the journey. Half way thru, he wonders why am I so much in a ‘pucham’ mode all the time! Surprised as I am to be, I wondered what could possibly trigger such a question. He clarified, that there’s never any faint expression of excitement or joy in my face. That all the 3 – 4 times that we ever met after childhood, I appeared all grim and dull to him. While actually, I was all excited about having a company for the journey!

Now arises the question! Am I more misunderstood by people around me or by myself? One of us is definitely wrong. Despite the fact that I look out for ‘nanbenda’ kinda friends, why do I look like such a moron and be the despicable one!! I am not worried about it. Just a sharing a line of thought about things that run in my mind. Hoping answer(s) to the question in comments below!

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