Category: Ramblings

Murder(er…er?)

~ Soumya ~ 1 Comment

I don’t want to kill anybody. Atleast at this precise point of writing this, I least bit think of it. But if things go this way, I’ll be arrested for killing someone, sooner or later. I feel like a dangerous sociopath myself, with the revving of an engine my head! I am a total noob with vehicles on the road and yet, I hold all authority by law, to drive a two wheeler, even the one WITH gear, and any four wheeler! How ridiculous! I am a social threat and nobody stops me! Coz nobody knows! I drive rash. Rash doesn’t define speed alone. I am careless on the road. Reckless and blind and deaf. But I can’t refrain myself from the vehicle. I love that wind-against-the-face feeling and tearing away of limits. But its often not on my risk, when the involved parties are not even part of the plan. So finally, I came down to a conclusive term with me and the road! I won’t ever ride any vehicle anymore until I have a personal guarantee that I’m fit for it. And guess what! I even called up an intimate someone to have an eye on me. To stop me from going anywhere near or gaining control of any revving thing! And look at me! I still go around in two wheelers, without letting myself accept the risk, often failing to properly communicate my schedule to my “in charge”! And without fail, I regret having done that, like today.

So today, I went for a ride, all by myself. Was driving as careful as possible. And suddenly, I just felt like overtaking this guy on a bike and I did. Coz he wasn’t racing anyway. And the next moment, I see him revving intensely and overtaking me and a car ahead of me, in a turning! I thought he almost fell off it, or hit somewhere or something. I needn’t have overtook him. May be, I just hurt the “guy’s ego” and instigated him! And further as I speed down the road, on my way back, lights were up and the Sun was down. Again, overtaking a vehicle, I was on a nitroboost. And there they go, an old couple taking a U-turn or something right ahead of me. I almost crash landed on them.Thanks to the brakes that actually worked well even with my slow brain! I could stop at a safe distance. They didn’t have the light turned on. But yeah, that’s no excuse. If I were that blind, I perhaps should surrender my licence or at least turn off my nitroboost forever. Hope I don’t end up killing someone in my ‘Pleasure’ trips!

The editor!

~ Soumya ~ 1 Comment

I always wanted to be an editor. An editor of something. The newspaper editor we see in movies, who make controversial story appear in their daily, and contribute in the making of a socially aware society! (Like Murali in the movie Pathram!). Or the magazine editors who cover interesting features and meet so many people, for every edition of theirs! Like my cousin Rekha. I wanted to be something near an editor at least. I wanted to read and filter what others might write. I want to make my own comments in the editorial, and still get people to read it. And on one awesome day, my English teacher asks me for an editorial for the school magazine! All the while, I was one of the two student editors who didn’t know what we were actually doing with the magazine. Coz, we never saw a single article in the magazine before its publication. And even to get a copy of the magazine, of which I was an editor, I had to pre-order with juniors and wait for, coz by the time of the magazine release, I was already out of school. That was one unfortunate editor experience, except for the joy, for God knows what, that I saw my name against the title ‘Student Editors’! The fellow editor also blogs somewhere here, but she is yet to grant permission to bring her out in public. Hope she does, at least after reading this.

So by ending up with a professional course, I almost fully bundled up my ‘editor dreams’ and was facing reality with a smile! And then came my second year of college, with a college magazine boom! So I hope, I work here now, and may be someday I can at least get into the editorial board of it! And guess what, I just back off and sit at home, teaching myself to forget about all magazines! I re bundled my ‘aspirations’, for which I never worked for. Yet again, the time came once again when I could unravel my bundled up desire! But not anymore, for I now realised final years are never gonna be editors, by University norms, and I have less than 2 months in my pre-final year! 😛

Need I say more!

Innisai!

~ Soumya ~ 1 Comment

Music has always been this ‘thing’ to me, though I hardly sing or relate to anything musical about it. But I am still a music fanatic! I liked music all the way but the sudden passion rised in me ever since I drifted into Tamil music. Innisai! That TV programme in Kairali WE channel is what so much boosted my liking and passion for Tamil, and music in general. Back then, it was during my high school, that I got so engrossed into this awesome stream of music, and the programme was anchored by a bearded guy who talked a lot about Tamil music, authoritatively. I loved him for he said all the good things about music, and appreciated the same lines of the song as I did, and related to the same notion about each song and singer. It was a time where I had no other access to songs other than TV. Away from cousins and Malayali/Tamilian friends, with no internet, my only source was at 4pm every Fridays. And the compromises I had to comply with my little sister, to get that time slot with TV!

Over time, things have changed. A lot about music. A lot about the sources to new songs. I no longer watch Sun Music for latest Tamil songs. There was a time I used to wait for them to stop their lecture and play the song. But now, when everything’s just a click away, I am missing more than what I did long back. I have no clue about latest releases, let alone songs/singers/lyricists/composers! And things hit me real hard yesterday in the theatre when I realised what I’ve been missing all the way. Such a famous movie, such famous composers. And yet I hadn’t bothered to click on a download link. What all awesome music might have I already missed in this pointless rush of the moribund routine! If not for the movie, I would have just never heard this song that I so fell in love with. Already heard it a hundred times, in less than a day’s time!

Soon back with a bunch of songs that touched, changed and ruled my life, from the past!

Viswaroopam!

~ Soumya ~ 1 Comment

I go for movies with expectations. Some reviews. Some comments. Some story line. With some idea and knowing what to expect in there. But this time, I had none. I didn’t even want to go for a movie. But surprisingly, dad showed interest and no one wants to back off! So we went for Viswaroopam, the latest Kamal Haasan’s controversial Tamil endeavour. Even waiting for the ticket at the theatre, I hadn’t any thoughts about movies running in mind. May be that’s all the reason I was so mesmerised by what was in store for me, as in the movie.

The story line is pretty famous, now that the movie’s contributing to a lot of controversies. The Al-Qaeda Jihadis. The American vengence. Tit for tat. Terrorism. Osama and Bush. And all stories that get entailed with these references. The movie was unique, even when the theme is so overly filmed, exploiting patriotic sentiments. The movie stands out in the very detailing of the plot, filming things that most of might have only read in books, or not even books! The judging of the movie, its morale, and the idea it conveyed, are all serious topics to be discussed seriously. Not entering into the details, the movie offers a fantastic movie experience, exclusively by the quality in the making and rendering of it. The Sankar-Ehasan-Loy music score made two and half hours all the more pleasing. Every frame was shot so perfect, and each dialogue timed so effortless. It was totally worth being the first movie of 2013 to me!

Mom said I am abnormal for commenting that the movie was awesome. Little sister was nudging me all the while, until I finally promised to explain the plot once we get the out of the cinema. Dad couldn’t hear half the dialogues. Thanks to the theatre’s stupid sound system. I don’t think much of the viewers understood the movie as a whole. The language,and the style of filming are all contributors to the lack of reach. For someone who doesn’t get a bit of Tamil, English and situtional interpretation of dialogues, the movie would pretty much be lot of violence and stunt and incomprehensible humor. But trust me, there’s much more to the movie and the whole experience of it. Howsoever may it be to the generalia, the opening Kathak piece gotta make you spellbound, gripped to your seat! Unnai kaanathu naaningu naanillaye… Viswaroopathin ‘viswaroopam’ is to be acknowledged with an enlightened sense of acceptance to goodness and marvels in things!

The 30 day challenge!

~ Soumya ~ Leave a comment

People are wondering what happened to the lazy blogger, now that I am aggressively blogging everyday! Well, I never mentioned the inside story. The other day, an ‘elder’ cousin of mine messages me and wonders if I’d like to take up a challenge. And before I know, I am in with the 30-day blogging challenge. I am to blog continuously for the next 30 days! How would I decline when the Editor herself comes down with a challenge!! 😛

And all these days, I stood with the challenge. But today, I am too busy. Like I always here me say these days, 24 hours seem so insufficient to me. Too much to do and too less time. Surprised, when I did I ever start ‘doing’ anything than just stare blankly at my to-do list! Looks like I finally am doing something for real. For time has come down in its vastness and infinite nature. I am cramped in tight schedules. And there’s so much to write on each one of them! Then again, where’s the time to do all these! So officially, I am to lose the challenge today, coz I don’t have time for blog tonight. Compiler design assignment waits for my graceful hands to let it out of the yearning to be done!

P.S. I won today too, making the post all the more ironic. 🙂

Sudden death!

~ Soumya ~ 1 Comment

Again I clarify, this post and me have nothing to do with football or sports. My blog titles are vaguely related to the actual content of the post and are easily misunderstood in the context. I seem to like it very much personally, like one would name their kids after celebrities so as to make them popular or on the hope that atleast the kids would reach great heights, for the ‘namesake’ atleast. So I name my posts, for that extra response to it.

Now here, the sudden death is actually about the real death, that may happen any time, almost very suddenly! And that’s mostly gonna be an accident that’s brought upon all by myself. Something needs to be done before I fill the orbituary column, with a sudden death. Somebody do something about cancelling my driver’s license. I am not yet done living. Nor learning diving.

Janaganamana!

~ Soumya ~ 2 Comments

The national anthem of our country India is Janaganamana…, contributed to the nation by Rabindranath Tagore. Its sung at almost all occasions of public gathering, as the dispersal siren. And on all National days, like today the Republic day, and so many other similar days. It is composed to be sung taking 52 seconds, not running too fast with the tempo, nor too dragging. It’s an element of reverence that we pay to the country, at all social instances, by standing upright, at attention, without moving about for that 52 seconds, singing along with pride and respect. Disrespect to it is considered a serious offence against the country’s integrity.

See! I know a lot of stuff about our national anthem. I could go on to write a more detailed essay on that, like we all would have in high school. But to my greatest private embarrassment and shock, this morning, I realised I’ve forgotten the National Anthem! Half way thru the recital of it, after the flag hoisting at mom’s office, I was privately feeling dumb. How could I just forget the lines and be so blank! I used to sing it twice everyday for a great majority of time in my life. For some long 12 years of schooling, my days started/ended with this very same tune! So now when I think, when was the last time I ever sang the anthem? Can’t connect too many loose ends and relate to any specific occasion. Wasit back then at school, during one of those final morning assemblies?

Its disturbing. I can’t identify the things I lost/forgot. This should be what they euphemistically address as metamorphosis. May be this is just a phase. And this too shall pass. But nonetheless, it continues to disturb. What all am I actually missing in this process of growth and living this up! The anthem. I compensated by playing it over and over in my brain; rewind and replay! Will all things be this easy to redeem? Obviously. 🙂

Media – the showbiz!

~ Soumya ~ 2 Comments

The other day, I had this heated argument with my brother, that ended up without any conclusion. Considering that we debated about the Delhi rape incident and the related activist-spree that’s blaring up, conclusions can’t be quite expected anyway. It all started with me re-tweeting something about how the media has taken up the news and are keen on sensationalising it and how passive the country is, as ever. It’s always a show biz if you ask me. You get a new sensational news item, the media brews it for you in a newspaper, along with the morning tea, and a crunchy snack for the evening news. And a whole day pack, if its a weekend at home, with live coverage and headlines, played in loop. Its a season, a fiesta; a grand fiesta for the media and for all the good for nothing organisations. To enjoy and eat out of any of these sensational and sensitive incident. Now, its the rape season. One girl got raped, and that became THE news. And the subsequent days have nothing but gang rapes and child abuse to report about. Like the entire world just stopped everything else and resorted into some rape mania. The woman got raped, mutilated and brutally killed. Its a really unfortunate thing to happen and a huge shame to the whole of the country. Now what about it?

As ever, nothing about it. They talked a looooooot. They are still talking a looot. Will talk a lot more and then finally stop when it gets boring. And obviously, yet another sensational tem has to show up! So that they can repeat the whole media stunt! My point is too clear here. There’s no action ever taken on anything here. But that’s a totally bearable fact in a democracy as big as India. I don’t expect demands to tansform into protests, protests into amicable discussions, discussions to bills, and bills to rules, overnight. Its a lengthy tedious infinite-parameters involved execution. And everyone CAN wait so long, if they could wait this long, in the first place.

I wrote so much so very long before, but waited for something to happen. Like somebody would really make a difference and things would really change for better! Duh! Like I’m in Utopia. Now don’t ask me if that ‘somebody’ couldn’t have been in you or me. Or that, how insensitive I am about life issues. C’mon folks! The showtime is over, switch back to practicality. Like my bro, like so many other fellow idiots, I too hoped, things might actually turn out different atleast this time. And may be, I’d have to discard my this draft and compile a new token of acknowledgement to the miracle that could have materialised. *silent grin* The draft didn’t go in vain!

P.S. Many of you might find this post too narrow minded and written out of sheer ignorance. Well, possibilities are either way, you might be right or you could as well go wrong. For the record, I have totally nothing against media, but sensationalistion.

In the going!

~ Soumya ~ 4 Comments

So now finally, when 2012 is in the going, what’s more important to me? Welcoming the New Year and stepping into 2013 with grace and certitude are all part of my schedule. But, as I said, what’s the most important thing? Its actually winding up 2012 in as good a note as possible by me, for myself. 2012 was a nightmare. Don’t take me for a person who whines this at every New Year Eve. The past year was that bad. 2012! This is what I want to do. Guess I just did it and I am so much more at peace with myself now. The past year must be wrapped in a box, tight and secure. I don’t want it to ever repeat and seep into the future, that begins in less than an hour.

I have a lot to say about 2012. I can list out the points, where I failed, how I lost, what I lacked. But I am sure that won’t help improve my New Year. They were tough days. And tough lessons. And tougher punishments, everytime I failed to assimilate them. I’d rather not take such a rigid course! There’s nothing I carry over from the past, into my future. There are no big anticipations. No ceremonious beginning of the year. No hopes attached anywhere. Its just another night. To wake into another morning. Nothing changes with the sun rise. Change is a matter of more substance than dawn and the light. I am not pessimistic here. I am not expecting the worst out of tomorrow, or the days that follow, making 2013. I am being the realist once again. The one that I was, before the onset of the mishap called 2012. I can deal with life, without fancy dates associating to it.

This year. This day. This moment is what I feared I’d never survive. I am thru with ’em all! What more to stop me! I survived. I stood thru today. And that inspires me to live thru tomorrow. Today is the day I feared yesterday! And today turns out to be just another, and over before I even knew it. With a handful of decisions (resolutions sound silly beyond tolerance) to revamp LIFE, I stil claim, ‘No hopes attached’! Hoping to stay detached from hopes. 😛

Konjal!

~ Soumya ~ 1 Comment

“Enakku ithakkum manassilavathathu. Konjarathu nallathallava? Pakshe aarkum pidikkarathillai konjarathu. Athenna appadi”. (I wish I could translate this. But I am stuck at finding a suitable word for konjal. Read ahead for more clarity. 🙂 ) Now, these are my sister’s words of wisdom that she cared to share with me. And I was taken aback as the impact of the words seeped in. At her age, was I so wise? May be I was and just never realised, exactly the way she doesn’t understand it now. Or may be not. Now if I explain, what’s so intelligent and wise about what she said, I don’t hold myself wise enough to elaborate. Everyone loves that lovely bubbly kid, who smiles so chweet, who whines so chweet, who nags so chweet, who this so chweet, who that so chweet! Its so chweet all the way, all the things, all the time. So now when is someone to stop being so chweet, reducing to just sweet and may be a bit sour, over time? When is someone expected to ‘behave’ and just not be themselves? When she asked me all of these at once, though in far innocent and simpler terms, I couldn’t handle them. I just made a note in mind, to unfailingly blog about it tonight. I pondered all evening, till midnight now, and I still don’t have an answer. She’s not gonna come ask me again. She left it there, hopefully. But now, I am the one who’s nagged by the thought. Konji theeralayo ennamo! May be, it just wasn’t enough. Being a kid, being innocent, being more at peace with life. But then, I guess I can pretty much live without all of that. What I most miss is the knowledge to the limits. I wanna cuddle upto someone. If only if someone could stop the voice in my head saying its bad and irritating! Who defines them all anyway! Konjalakkuma thadai!