Day 7 – Go Goa!

Oh my god! OMG! The best part was not Goa. The best part was Mangalore. The best part meeting up with my pal. Has been years waiting for the day. After all the crap we’ve been thru over the years, we so badly had to catch up with eachother. And that was a perfect start for the day. From three in the morning, (after yesterday’s long bus journey), we were waiting for our train at six. And as scheduled, we had planned to meet up. And when he came, oh my god, its ridiculously true that I felt more at home with him than the rest of my group in the trip. Six and half years did no damage to our rapport. A short ten min meeting up and I almost have a separate blog post write about! Surprisingly, nobody even casually enquired about the stranger who saw me off at the station, as we left Mangalore. Towards Goa!

The dusty long tunnels by the Konkan path made the rest of the day too dry and too drab. The train was delayed and guess the aftermath! Without even freshening up, ( more precisely, with half of us not even brushing teeth), we were set for the industrial visit to NIO, compensating for the delay. National Institute of Oceanography, as they should be, showed no enthusiasm receiving us. The same being reciprocated, we sat thru the slide show for half an hour and rushed to the next in schedule. Food- brunch and later! Our accomodation was pretty much awesome.With a long balcony overlooking a pool, the two bedroom resort looked much like my typical dream apartment! I am so impressed! Sitting here in the balcony, by the pool side, writing is next only to sleep!

Finally at Goa, beaches and shopping was all we had to attend to. Calangute and Baga. At night, we had plenty of time and space and relatively too little to do. Shopping spree hasn’t caught the girls fullly yet. By tomorrow though, we are committed to pack half of Goa, along with us. And for the night it seemed like its just this small group of fifteen is alone at Goa. That was heavenly! The lot of fun, the lot of fights, the lot of arguments. I can’t quite put them into the apt words. It was a beautifull night. And I could slide all the inner turmoil and confusion under my blanket of bliss, as I now fall into abysmal sleep in the cushiony couch!

Day 6 – Exhaustion!

The day was this close. The day that I was anticipating ever since the inception of the idea of a trip with my classmates. The day when I’d just want to wind up everything and to back to my world. It was today that I really got into my head that all I have to do now is just get the next bus and run away from the place. I am so tired of this. Don’t know what changed overnight. Exhausted! And so I did it. I went and talked to my teacher about how my leg hurts and how I can’t walk and how I just want to go back home and relax. But yeah, I already knew she wasn’t as dumb as I wanted her to be. She didn’t buy it. Obviously. She wanted me to open up. At that point, of complete exhaustion and welling up, I didn’t mind sharing a piece of my mind with her. She, all the time, looked so sensible and did make sense too!

The day started quite like any other day except that we had to start too early in the morning to stay away from the effects of the Bharat bandh. Most the time in bus, I just slept and slept. Tired and exhausted. Up there at some monastery in Coorg, it was as surprising as our classroom sessions as about what the heck were we doing there! Without mention, it was boring. Down there at the lake, when everybody went rafting, I found reasons to stay at the bank. Partly that I had really sore leg. Partly that my dad so insisted that I do everything else in the trip, but stay away from water. And mostly, I just wanted to run away somewhere. The remaining of the day was spent with a book I never planned to open, these ten days. By evening, I got so tired that I talked to the teacher. I just wanted someone listening to my point of view things. I just wanted someone to tell me it needn’t ‘always’ be my ego, my narrow mindedness or my problem that things don’t seem perfect around me. I knew what she’d say. That this is once in a life time experience. That this should be enjoyed to the fullest. That definition to enjoyment may differ for people, but we must adjust and compromise. Blah! I knew it all. But I still just wanted someone to tell me. It was so comforting, when you feel so broken! At the end of the day, with the camp fire episode, I am gathering enough hope to survive another day and give my freaking ‘awesome’ trip one more chance of falling in. In bus again. Sleepy. Tired. Exhausted.

Day 5 – Mysore turned my sore!

And finally finally, I bought something from all the shopping. A saree for my mom is the most special of them. My first single handed selection for my mom! And that turned quite eventful too. I picked one, in my usual way of knowing it IS what I want in the first sight. Asked the sales lady to keep it aside, and went digging deeper into their collections. But as always, I came back to my first choice. And it wasn’t even there! My disappointment knew no limits and I even went upto blaming their irresponsibility in not keeping my selection aside. Poor
souls. They gave me every other similar looking sarees. But nothing would please me coz I had already imagined my mom wearing that red horse bordered white based saree. I totally get why women are so particular about all those now! And as always, I got what I truly wanted, for they did find my red horses in the white ground.

Now that was too easy to get what I want. But not always is it so. We had breakfast in this cottage restaurant kinda place. There was handicraft shop right outside. From my yesterday’s desperation of not having bought anything, I turned up at the shop first. And then again, I had this perfect thing that I wanted to buy. Just so perfect that I even imagined it to be used and used and broken by the use. It was cut throat cheating. He increased the price at every bargain, sure that I’d buy it anyway. And I did buy it anyway. Knowing it was cheating. Knowing I was being fooled. I so wanted it. The perfect thing I’d gift Swathi.

At Chamundeswari temple, what awaited me was totally unpredictable. As somebody remarked, I probably entered God mode that I felt nothing as we walked thru the burning hot tiles. (not nothing at all. It was just bearable heat even for my low temperature bearing capacity). But after the temple episode, it really occurred to me how ‘unbearable’ the heat aftereffects are. My feet has now turned so sore that I can hardly make a step without moaning. With two bubbles beneath my feet, it feels like I’m walking over bubbles, inducing unbearable pain. The Mysore palace experience too went too sore that it so became my sore. With a lot of kneeling down for group photos, I almost totally ruined my legs for the rest of the day.

With a shopping planned later in the evening, I had no choice but to move on with it. The shopping was totally food since it’s gonna be Bharat Bandh tomorrow. We are to stock food, like ants do for the winter. It was exactly like ants that we gathered food. Everyone (in our newly made group) split into smaller groups, brought back all the ‘economical’ ‘filling’ goodies. Typical ants!

Back at our stay, I had this new born revelation about people in my room. Due to situational crises,
seven of us ended up in a room. The time that I keep away for blogging was spent on talking and knowing people. Quite strange of me. Still, I found it quite worth the time. Time wasted on people are never wasted. They always give you a newer dimension to build a newer plane of diverging thoughts. So here I’m,drawing character sketch of people I never knew to exist, let alone acknowledge to have had a character at all. IV is not all pain and no gain after all!

Day 4 – Black out!

Bad bad day! Travel travel travel. Boring boring travel. Wasted time at an Industry. OMFG! Industry eh? That eh? That was such a sucking experience. Incompetence at its height! Really, is it for such companies that we are struggling to get a rotten degree? Okay, no more comments on it. May be its more of my ignorance than their incompetence. But it sucked anyway. And travel again. Travel travel travel! In a blaring bus with god knows what kinda songs and beats! I so much needed a break. And then came my coveted migraine attack. And I black out. Slept like never in this trip. Woke up only to get back in the boring repetitive dejavu!

Back at our stay, we had some good time shopping. Not very good in terms of shopping for me. But still good. For the first time, I stepped in to select something with the other buyers. Bought a frock for a kid, a friend’s cousin. Really reminded me of my brother. :)Roamed on and on and bought nothing for myself. Sad sad me! Good things keep happening though. A good dinner in a good way to dine! Good people to be with. Good place to walk around. Good shopkeepers to deal with. Good mates to share a room with. Good night’s sleep.

Day 3 – Cat fights and giant hugs!

Oh my god is what I’d say now, at the end of the day. Today was one heck of a day! Not extremely entertaining or depressing. But eventful and exhausting. Making friends, making groups, staying around, splitting apart, regrouping oneself. It all seemed so easy and so quick. For a snail head like me, it was too silly and more tiring always. But today seemed different and things came more easy to me too.

Walking around Ramoji film city, we fell into infinitely nested groups and finally came down to be group-less. Often huddled up as a bunch of chattering chipmunks, we seldom reduced (or elevated? 😛 ) ourselves to silent monks. There wasn’t much to feel wonderful about the place. But experiences are always place and time independent. The times we had there were quite memorable. We (I’d rather choose to be in first person hereafter) made friends with more intimacy now, and I tried had to stick around as way my habit. But then it came so natural to me now that being friends needn’t be always about sticking around. (It still appeals to me though!) I learnt that having fun was definitely more important than sticking to a group ever so boring they become. Dont assume now the day was all just fun, fun and fun! We had fights. And I had my own fights. Cat fights! Over the mobile charger. Over the berth. Over guys’ ego. Over girls’ carelessness. I was pretty much annoyed and infuriated by people’s attitude on these. But I guess, so should they be feeling about it. So, never mind we’re still macha-macha friends! (I assume I’ve fallen perfectly into that group of twelve or thirteen! Not very sure about what they think. Thank god not all of them read this.)

Learning more about long journeys with totally annoying and discomforting company. Learning how a bottle of water, or a free charging point or even a freaking awesome gadget can woo them into be your ‘friends’. Oh yeah, something worse than fair weather friends! 😀 With all the cat fights and giant hugs, I’m content!

Day 2 – Charity parity etcetra!

Today started off like any other day. The perfect crappy days in college. I was pretty much depressed and very sober and prone to any and every provocation. I was soon left out and had my private melodrama running in my brains. And then as I knew something would turn up, the breakfast episode started. Sharing and adjusting are things that we are so perfect at, by a single day of the journey. And there it began, the charity parity episode. I had no clue it’d run this long that even now, as we are all set to sleep, the topic still remains our interest of discussion. It all started with this one kid coming begging into our compartment. A classmate of mine was so generous that she’d practically give anything the boy asks for. And I was so much beyond just infuriated when she casually gave away the jam tin to the kid. What the fuck man! I just saw that kid running from the next compartment, with a handful of breakfast packed in the silver foil from railways. Somebody else had given him way more than what he can ever eat. It was no more begging for food but point blank cheating. And when I tell people about it, they look at me like I’m this devil’s messenger with no compassion. Its fraud and I just knew it before they did. What difference did my long lecture make! The kid easily managed to woo her into giving him another chips packet, in another some hours. It really needn’t be my concern and I’m no way directly involved. But somehow, I ended up reacting, though none really noticed me skipping my breakfast. 😛 The first half was sober enough that we really didn’t want the hijdas to walk into us to worsen our mood. But they just had to coz it was Hyderabad that we were approaching! I paid them off as I was instructed by people with previous experiences. And then someone just casually remarked, “How different is this now! In the morning, kids come and plead and now eunuchs come and threaten! One gets paid out of compassion and the other out of fear. They are exploiting.” I fell silent. I knew it was not intended at me at all. But my silence was deafening to me.

Snow world! I never thought I’d totally freak out like I just did there. I was annoyed. Frustrated. Sad. Crying. Almost out of mind. I thought I’d just turn more cold and freeze in there. But instead, I melted. My anger. My sorrow. Everything just melted at the sight of snow! I chased down people, got chased. I hit with snow, got hit. I yelled. Shoved my anger against some crap heads in plain words, before I smeared snow over them. And to some others, I said how I miss not having had fun with them earlier. I made friends. I destroyed strangers. I freaked out. Literally. 🙂

I stand up for things that I find right. Even if that means walking out of a dining hall, when the rest are eating. (I am skipping that part, but something did happen.) But then again, I was wrong about one such. I thought against having a male company for our late night shopping coz I was almost near sure that nobody would totally want our company. A couple of us girls, three to be precise, set off our way, in search of some food and some other shopping goodies if possible. And against my calculations, we had volunteering male company. And frankly, I thought no good of them coz they were barely in talking terms with me, in other circumstances. To my greater surprise, when I had to dial one of them for an emergency, I almost thought he wouldn’t even pick since roaming charged would cost him and he picked! Not only did he just pick, I got multiple calls from both those guys ensuring where we were and if we reached back safe. I was surprised. I still am.

Day 1 – Bliss!

The day one of our Industrial Visit from college. In other words, my first perfect day of ten days away from everyone and everything. Cant call it too perfect a day. But it definitely was a perfect start for a series of hopefully perfect days! 😛 Started early morning at seven by train and I’m still in train as I type this. Has been really long after spending more than twenty four hours in train. And I totally love this feeling of a wobbly train, gently rolling about the perfect sized berth. Writing is the perfect thing to do now. But as I mentioned, it is wobbly. Typing is the next near perfect thing I can think of!

Doesn’t seem like I can give a point to point review of the day. But there are definitely things I wouldn’t want to miss sharing. Played cards as ever. But never played like today. And the trump was awesome. (Forgiveness expected from the relevant self! 🙂 )After all the frequent and consistent training I got all these years, its only today that I ‘really’ played the game. One heck of a game! My first cheating in the game. My first losing the game, which multiplied by so many times that I adorned my ears with the cards! (Didn’t have the actual thing (vellakka) that you hang on the ears to symbolise the defeat! ) My first conversations with a lot of my classmates. Yeah! I should be ashamed of it, after two long years of coexistence. So should be they. Never mind. Coz made upto all of it today and will do more in the days to come. My first ‘political’ discussion, abusing an ideology on the face of an activist. It was as out of my scope as it was intriguing. My (not first) awesome experience at the door of the coach. My classmates almost thought I’m on a suicide mission. They wanted me to stay alive till we come back, so that it doesn’t screw up their trip. 😛 I wasn’t planning to die anyway. My first awesome experience with filter coffee. Though I drooled over coffee, I kept my safe distance from the filter one. Getting down on the platform just to get that awesome coffee was worth it!

At the end of the day, the only face that prominently stays is of that old lady from who I bought a dozen of safety pins. Her smile was the most warm, so much reminding my ammammai’s (grandma’s). I didn’t want safety pins. Perhaps, she wanted someone to buy it. I’m glad today. Bliss!

Shopping spree!

And finally, I too was set for it. With my kaalan kuda (I really dont know what that’s called in English. Help welcome!), walking ahead like the head of the family, that was my n-th trip for buying a bag for my impending looong journey. Walked all around tvm for a petty bag and still couldn’t make it upto buying one! It was a pleasure everytime. To go wander, on and on, with no particular goal in my mind. I was just walking and seeing new things, meeting new people. It was all good and comfy. I never minded not ‘buying’, though that’s what I primarily went around for. Today, however, ended up different.

So I was walking as the head of the family, leading my mom and sister. Of course with my kaalan kuda. (That’s the part I loved the most!) We walked in and out of shops. A bag. That’s all what we wanted. Obviously though, we had an eye on all the textiles on display too. The first shop we got into was a textile shop. Thought we could make a quick peep on the displays and walk out soon. But so much for my annoyance, there was nothing on display. A lady was all set to take out the ‘exact’ kinda dress we wanted, with colour and pattern specifications, out of the shelves and put them on display for us. I had an instant attitude problem with that lady. So much so that I flipped the plate and told my mom how I never wanted dress. I just wanted to get out of the place and get away from that lady before our eyes meet again. And we walked out. We, rather I, dropped the idea of textiles. Another couple of metres, and we reached where it seemed like we could dive in for what we needed (a bag!) in any direction and still resurface with it! First in row, we saw nothing like what ‘I’ wanted. But it was still difficult to get my family out of the place. I dragged them into the immediate next door and still found nothing. But I saw my mom bidding the fellow at the shop, with enquiries about if sundays would be working for them. And that she would like to come with her husband (my dad, yeah.) and confirm on what to choose. I liked his attitude when he said how wonderful it’d be that we better check out the bags on sundays then rather than waste theirs and our time! That was so direct that…! 😀 And the next shop was the best! Oh my god! I’d really recommend that guy for some marketing ‘awesomeness’ award. He was so flawless. But his bags weren’t. I’d have surely bought from him otherwise. He gave me a five min lecture on how trolley wheels are bad for air bags and how the inclination and the ease for pulling it around would never sync. I almost thought I was in my most dreaded Physics class learning the ‘FLE’ again. I patted him on his shoulder (in my mind) and congratulated him on his performance, if he could really see the grin that I hid in my occasional smiles. We walked out very politely, thanking him and letting him know that I STILL wanted a trolley coz I didn’t understand his Physics anyway! For the final lap, we decided on textiles coz we (read I) dropped plans about the bag. Giving it a start, I walked into the next immediate shop and got out in a jiffy. I ushered my mom to walk along and advocated her on financial management and value for money! And then she said it! ‘Unnoda appavoda kooda kadakku poka ivvalavu paadillai. Onnum vangavum cheyyama ippadi lo lo ennu alayalam.’ (Its not this difficult to shop with your dad. Dont buy a thing and walk around like a maniac.)

I beamed. Instantly. And my face glowed. With a misplaced yet unmatched pride.

P.S. I consciously left a lot of my sister’s comments. That’d sound more like boasting beyond anybody’s threshold. 😛 But one thing for sure is that, I’d not have been this happy had I got the thing I went shopping for. I’d have never beamed, with a bag in hand. Shopping is not all about buying.

Defeat!

Ever since I got down to this city, I’ve been travelling. On and on. On a two wheeler (many actually), by car, by bus, by walk. Long long distances. Hours turned minutes. Confusions turned solutions. Emptiness filled. Silence echoed. Walking around like a crazy woman was so relaxing. Well, it still is. But for some unknown reason, I feel like closing myself up in this room and just stay exactly like this. Like I totally hate going out.

But that aint true. Not true at all. Coz I love going out. Just anywhere out of enclosed spaces. I just feel so defeated today. So lost that I’d rather keep myself to myself. Had this stupid encounter in a bus. Was on my way back home from somewhere and I got into this crowded bus. With too many ladies standing in the front, and relatively too few men. And then I see this guy sitting in the seat reserved for ladies. He’s not a handicap. He’s not old. Pretty much in late twenties. And I wanted him to offer the seat to somebody there, who’s old and was practically saying out she’s tired, if not to me. And when I ask him, he wants the conductor’s recommendation to look into my plea. And now when I requested the conductor, he offered me the pleasure of kicking him out all by myself. I stopped looking at him. I got the next immediate seat I got and tried to push away his victorious grimace. But I was so defeated. So lost deep down. Not to that smart ass. Not that irresponsible conductor. But to myself. I was lost if I should ask for the seat or not. Demanding my rights was never a tough thing. So it was not about asking him to get up. All that it might have taken is a bit of yelling. But it was actually about my want. Did I really want that seat? Everybody wanted to sit but nobody cared to support me. And for a moment, it all felt so futile and lost. And I stopped. Defeated. It’s just that one moment that you need to pass. The judgment. The decision making. Whether or whether not. A life long of such crucial points is nothing less than excruciating. I couldn’t stand just one such moment. So defeated indeed!

The NRI evil!

Without mention, it’s beyond just obvious that this has gotta do nothing at all with the movie, “Resdient evil”. I know the first sentence is totally irrelevant and out of place. But it was placed with the post inside my head! So, bear with me. 🙂 So the non resident evil, the typical NRI thing is what’s bothering me so much. As any other usual middle class, our family too has a couple of NRI relatives. And with most of them, I am in a fairly decent contact. All thanks to facebook and gmail! They definitely keep relations away from rotting and dying, if not fresh and lively. And one of those NRI cousins of mine is definitely getting to read this. So just be known. Its not me pointing a finger at you people, but a very genuine grievance, that most of us, your resident relatives always wanted to share. Rather write it down here and act like nothing ever happened than say it in person, and spoil the fewest times we see eachother!

Did I build up so much that now it feels like some unforgivable offence against humanity? Well, judging it so ain’t so wrong. Coz I definitely am offended by it. All these foreign returned people, you know, are so much deserving our heartfelt sympathy and understanding. They carry with them with a heavy load of expectations of their own as they fly back to their homeland. And upon that already heavy load, a bigger weight of obligation to meet their relatives’, friends’, neighbours’, friends’ of friends and oddly random people’s demands! Coupled with errands to unknown people with huge gift packets. Its such a huge commitment. And almost impossible to keep everyone happy and stay happy yourself. We just want to you people to know that we totally get that helplessness in you and hence really don’t care about the hapless greeting that we get. We fully get the situation and offer you all our understanding. Most genuinely. The one thing that we just can’t stand is your feeling of obligation to us! You know what folks? Its absolutely okay you don’t gift us anything. We are really cool with the idea that you don’t shower us with the best-est goodies from abroad! Come on people! Who doesn’t know that now Mars and Bounty are now chocolates kids demand down here too, along with all the Cadburies we get them! An iPhone or the latest tech release isn’t not much far from us, as long as eBay and Flipkart offers service! May be we don’t get to ‘feel’ the product with our bare hands. But never mind. We don’t trust your technical knowledge anyway! 😛

Did I sound too offensive? I’m slightly worried on that, coz that’s not my intention at all. I lovethe chocolates you people bring from there. May be its available here, but I like them anyway coz they are delicious. I love those tiny petite perfume bottles and their awesome fragrance. I even love this awesome thing that someone got me from abroad, which let’s me blog on the move. Its never about the worth of the things that you bring us, nor the availability. Its just that, gifts are NOT the reason why we come to see you. You can leave us empty handed and we still won’t grit our teeth behind you!

May be you NRIs would have never thought of things this way. The global exposure may have changed your wordl view and understanding of lives. But everytime you come down here, we are all back at the constraint thoughts of ‘engathu panku vere, ungathu panku vere’. (our home’s share and your home’s share ARE separate). Its not just about what you think of us and what you feel giving things away. Do look at your home-mates and what they feel. And then tell me if I hold a point or not! 🙂 You know what’s the worst thing that can happen to a person, in this context? Its getting caught up at a home where a NRI landing is expected! If you end up staying there, you’ll have to witness ‘unbelievable’ and unbearable levels of self digust! 😀 At the end of my post, I am sad about one thing. That not all my NRI cousins are getting to read this. I really wanted them to see things through our view point! Sincerely, we.

P.S. All through out, I has been replaced with ‘we’ coz its a collective grievance shared by too many of us. I still remember how somebody told me that the person was so happy about somebody else’s homecoming until the moment, a leftover gift was forcefully given, to make the person not feel bad. Ironic. 🙂