Adios 2014!

New Year Resolution and Year End diary/blog! I have been always that person who thinks these are inevitable and mandatory in life. But somehow, tonight, I am falling short of words. Suddenly, I feel like I have forgotten to write. It’s been a long gap after all! A long eventful gap – new people, new places, new experiences. Oh forgot to mention, a new job too. Rather, ‘the’ first job! I have been instructed not to disclose the identity of my job in my blog, but even otherwise! Tonight is not about my job. Not about the people or the places or the experiences. It’s about me! It’s about this moment of happiness. Of being able to write once again. Of falling back to myself. Of jumping out of the overrated normality. Tonight, I am happy. Just how the rest of the world is, but just not the same way. Away from the sparkling lights and the tinkling music, I am happy that I relish this moment. In dim lit ambience of my room, under my rickety fan, on my squeaky bed. I am happy. I am writing.
People started asking me about the pending posts. I said they were on their way. I never thought I would bring them back up here. But here I am. This moment of bliss. Anandam.

13 stones!

13 steps away. 13 stones ahead. 13 ticks to pass. 13 is my number. Count to 13. And hear my heart stop 13 times. 13 hours to survive. 13 days to breath. 13 monks to pray. 13 books to read. 13 tablets to gobble. 13 keys to press. 13 sways to dance. 13 notes to sing. 13 months to go. 13 Suns to rise. 13 Moons to shine. 13 colours to flaunt. 13 drops to dry. 13 sparks to warm. 13 degrees of freedom. 13 lies to believe. 13 ways to hurt. 13 promises to break. 13 flowers to pluck. 13 heads to slay. 13 alibis to you. 13 ages to learn. 13 dreams to lose. 13 fears to scream. 13 lives to spoil. 13 inches to fall. 13 points to pin. 13 letters to write. 13 verses to recite. 13 souls to die. 13 faces of death. 13 is my number. 13 stones are mine. 13 is my omen. 13 is my destiny. 13 thirteens to me. 13 unknowns to you. Thirteen.


House this! House that! House is so! That’s so House! House! House! That’s all I keep saying, thinking, dreaming, everything. This new TV series, House MD, that swept me off my feet! I have never enough words to describe how wonderful those forty five or so minutes of my day dramatizes the rest of my thoughts! My brother once said he wanted to drop out of Engineering college and pursue Medicine, out of nowhere! He pointed at this TV show and justified it! How silly of him, I thought! But now, sitting through the years, I wonder why didn’t I push him to do that! Or at least one of my many ‘few’ friends to be actual ‘doctors’! Obviously because none of them could drop computer science and suddenly jump into Biology! But yet, right now, I wish if I had a medical advice, private and free, like from a friend! I could at least verify the authenticity of all the diseases that ‘House’ diagnoses!
But on a parallel thought, I was wondering why isn’t there a similar TV show for the computer geeks? One in which people sit around a problem, analyse and formulate it, and suddenly implement the code! Or debugs an impossible program! Or something similar at all! Is there already one, just that I didn’t know! I so badly wanted to be motivated. Like what I assume Dr. House does to all people related to medicines and health and Biology! I so badly wanted to be inspired and motivated to move my lazy ass and do some real computer thing, beyond browsing and window shopping! Everytime my dad asked to get out of home and join some course, I said July is my holiday month, on account of my impending ‘busy’ schedule. And suddenly when I realize that I am at the end of the month and still have no idea where to row my boat, I guess it is time to call it something better than an “engineer’s block”, as in the case of a “writer’s block”! When things are going well as planned and articulated, it seems impossible to fill in the tiny gaps in between. I am stuck in one such!

Off to a new abode!

Hey pal,

Finally, a little after a month of owning a new abode – all for myself – my blogging home, mailbox, everything, I have decided to shift over completely to my new place. Hope to see you all there, and make it home as always.

Keep reading! Keep commenting! Let me keep writing! As always.

I have moved to


Recently stepped into an extravaganza of mobile applications and technological marvels. And of all things, I am struck by the one awesome ‘app’ that I was introduced to! The wondrous piece of technology is simply just another instant messaging application. But what the makers claim as unique is the digitally encrypted communication that provides privacy and security to the message content. Even more, additional security is offered by a self destruction mechanism implemented on the conversations.

Just as you talk and as the recipient reads your message, the timer begins and runs the self destruction procedure. The message that are read by both parties are automatically destroyed by this methodology. The question is not about how important a tool it is to the users, but instead, how big an impact might it probably make to the users. It’s like you are affected by short term memory loss. You feel so disoriented and cut off from the conversation coz of the incomplete conversation history. You open the app and see  a smiley from a friend. You are probably stuck all day thinking about what you had said earlier to cause that smiley!

As I said, it’s indeed a wondrous technology. Transience. You will never recollect what made you laugh but the happiness remains. Never the fight but the heat of it. Never the words of hate, but the pain. Never the way. But the destination reached. Without seeing the reasons, the implications hold roots. Not knowing what ended the conversation, not even sure if anything existed before, the disconnected sentences often make a conversation. Transience. The biggest boon to humanity. Now a magic of technology too.


# “Search this in your dictionary..”, says my ever intriguing ‘periyappa’, (Dad’s elder brother), – “Caparisoned”! His ever continuing teasers and sarcasm! I was sure he was playing around again, only to drive us out of our minds. However though, I ran an MS-Word thesaurus search. Nothing turned up and that obviously called out for the obvious – Google search! An ‘elite’ group of a few of us cousins who deemed ourselves as ‘good’ in English – we just had to admit our ignorance! What English knowledge if not its caparisoned ‘elegance’!

# Time is past midnight. A group of people hustled around a Kindle – eyes glued to the screen. The group mostly of young people, had one ‘senior citizen’ there. And that was our ‘kunjakka’ – my ‘kunjathai’ (Dad’s elder sister). The group was engrossed in ‘Chain Reaction’ – the Android extravaganza! And the old being stayed so late up into the night, determined to identify the strategy of the game.

# Sitting around her in one big circle, stretching out of for the tastiest food – that’s one thing I missed out for a huge part of my childhood. ‘Pappekka’ aka our ‘mummy’ aka my ‘Padma periyammai’, (Intriguing periyappa’s better-half indeed!). The ‘group’ dining of all cousins, as periyammai passes on the tastiest morsels of rice!

# After, say 4 years, I ran. And ran. And ran. Chasing. Being chased. With that age old fear of being the ‘catcher’ in the next round of game. It was like school again. Running and chasing, and playing ‘biscuit’. With my 12 year old nephew as well with my 27 year old cousin, and my younger sister, and all the people inside that age group.

Does all these mean anything to anyone? I am not very sure. Unlike my other ramblings, this one is a peculiar kind. A bit strange. A bit personal. Not possibly interesting at all. But I still have to write. This moment. This undeniable moment of my life. Sitting amidst a great range of people (age-wise and otherwise!) – my 60+ periyappa and 12 year nephew and all the people in between! Almost an hour past midnight, and still here with them on one eventful verandah – sipping black coffee, playing cards, random conversations, and my moribund blogging episodes with the ‘slate’!

I dare not call this moment perfect. Coz this totally isn’t anywhere near perfection. There’s chaos. There’s strife. There’s gossip. There’s ego. There’s misunderstanding. But so is understanding. Harmony. Frolic. Conversations, if not communcation. Discussions, if not conviction. There’s life here, if not a perfect Utopian existence. Here, in this extravaganza of emotions, conversations, engagements, sleeplessness and finally food, I feel special. Like my days here are ‘caparisoned’ with people!

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Happily ever after!

[Straight from the auto saved drafts list. Read immediate previous post for clarity, if called for.]

P.S. I wish if I could fill this space. And share what I thought about a ‘happily ever after’! There’s so much to say. If only if someone would listen!

Day 9 – Eye opener!

Everything is expected to end in a good note. Or, for jerks like me, atleast in a decent note without great disappointments. So today being the last day, I’m to judge my final note (ordeal) of the trip and rate it to myself. I wrote about every other day. But for today, I choose not to write. Obviously, it was a bad day. With remaining sight seeing and the evening cruise, the day was uneventful and boring. The rest of my day, (the finale of the trip, as they name it), was ruined and spoiled over silly pointless attitude drama. AGAIN, as they define it.

Back in train, into the abysmal night, thru the never ending tunnels. Where my soul and body fall back into the constraint of a form, yet stay satisfied being defined and complete once again.

Day 8 – Domino effect!

I never ever learn. Introducing pizza to someone is the riskiest thing to do in one’s life. But I never learn and keep taking the same risk. And so I did this biggest ever blunder of my life. Took a group of fifteen to Dominos, with hardly one or two of them with any or little knowledge about this heavenly food called pizza. I still so much insisted they try pizza once in life atleast, citing how heavenly and all the more affordable and filling it could be. Outdoing each of theirs semi willingness, I just had to apply a bit more of persuasion to get them join me to Dominos. Now that we all finally set for it, we had no idea about the location of their shop. I googled, got their number, rang up and asked for landmarks and access methods. And came GPS and AGPS for our rescue. I am so wondering how’d have made it upto most of our destinations in the trip,had we not had Google Maps. Let me not talk in detail about the pizza ordering and eating experience. It was more embarrassing than my first pizza when the guy at the counter grinned at my fate! 😀 But at the end of the dinner, nobody appeared disappointed. May be not filling enough, but most seem quite okay with the new delicacy. Thank god! Domino(s) effect. I kept asking. Should have asked a rating on a scale of ten! Never mind.Next time. Yeah, I am planning on stuffing pizza into their mouths again and again, coz I love taking risks! 😛

The day’s highlight, personally, however was that I almost drowned and thought I am dying and wanted to resurface and drink some water and then die! It was in Baga beach that we spent our calm morning, with gentle waves and shallow waters. Posing for photos, tattooing, making sand ‘turtles’ (castles are outdated!), picking up ‘precious’ stones that could turn us billionnaires! We had some real fun out there! In turn, we were motivated to be all set for a complete hell break loose session in the evening! Pushing everyone into water,even those who stayed away in the morning, Calangute was an awesome beach experience with violent waves and deceiving depths! The first few metres were relatively deep and muddy. Beyond that, the shore elevated itself, under water. Naturally, we had more safe zone into the sea than normal, on height terms. I have never gone that deep into the sea alone. Not alone actually. I had another person to take care of! And then this massive wave hit us and we were pulled beneath the surface, almost drowning. I rose up once and thought I am saved and then this girl grabbed to support me or herself. Losing grip, I fell deeper and was so thrilled I’m gonna die an awesome death. And my bad! Nothing happened. The water withdrew and let me go! The salted water added to my bitterness. That’s all.

The last awesome night of IV was today. And as I knew it, we all did have maximum fun! All the last minute shopping and the ridiculuos bargains. Ah the other shop where we had a Malayali shopkeeper, and he pretended not understanding the Malayalam we spoke. We caught him red handed when he laughed with us, on our dialogues. Many incidents. Countless experiences. Infinte freedom. Memorable days. I was happy all these days. Feels like today is the last of some blissful days of life. Wanting more of them. All those short moments and long conversations. Cat fights and the giant hugs! I am so gonna miss them all.

Day 7 – Go Goa!

Oh my god! OMG! The best part was not Goa. The best part was Mangalore. The best part meeting up with my pal. Has been years waiting for the day. After all the crap we’ve been thru over the years, we so badly had to catch up with eachother. And that was a perfect start for the day. From three in the morning, (after yesterday’s long bus journey), we were waiting for our train at six. And as scheduled, we had planned to meet up. And when he came, oh my god, its ridiculously true that I felt more at home with him than the rest of my group in the trip. Six and half years did no damage to our rapport. A short ten min meeting up and I almost have a separate blog post write about! Surprisingly, nobody even casually enquired about the stranger who saw me off at the station, as we left Mangalore. Towards Goa!

The dusty long tunnels by the Konkan path made the rest of the day too dry and too drab. The train was delayed and guess the aftermath! Without even freshening up, ( more precisely, with half of us not even brushing teeth), we were set for the industrial visit to NIO, compensating for the delay. National Institute of Oceanography, as they should be, showed no enthusiasm receiving us. The same being reciprocated, we sat thru the slide show for half an hour and rushed to the next in schedule. Food- brunch and later! Our accomodation was pretty much awesome.With a long balcony overlooking a pool, the two bedroom resort looked much like my typical dream apartment! I am so impressed! Sitting here in the balcony, by the pool side, writing is next only to sleep!

Finally at Goa, beaches and shopping was all we had to attend to. Calangute and Baga. At night, we had plenty of time and space and relatively too little to do. Shopping spree hasn’t caught the girls fullly yet. By tomorrow though, we are committed to pack half of Goa, along with us. And for the night it seemed like its just this small group of fifteen is alone at Goa. That was heavenly! The lot of fun, the lot of fights, the lot of arguments. I can’t quite put them into the apt words. It was a beautifull night. And I could slide all the inner turmoil and confusion under my blanket of bliss, as I now fall into abysmal sleep in the cushiony couch!